A few months ago, I walked out with my DCs after years of living in a poor relationship where I felt like I was doing all of the work, including working full time whilst ex-H refused to get a full time job (which would have enabled me to work part time and be able to spend more time with my DCs). I tried so many ways to change our lives and have a happy home environment but we disagreed about everything, both of us are opinionated but he refused to do anything unless I was more affectionate towards him and gave him more of my time (which was precious enough anyway). On top of everything, he seriously broke my trust 5 years ago when he took sexual advantage of me when I was very drunk and I have never been able to forgive him for that.
It took a long time for me to make the decision to leave. I asked him to go on several occasions before I finally left and this meant that I had to move the DCs out of their family home in a very short space of time.
I did it because I was at the end of my tether after years of trying to resolve things and I was absolutely straight with him that this was the end. However, he has convinced himself that our relationship is still up for discussion, telling the DCs that he is doing everything to get us back together and that it is only me that is blocking our family from being happy again. This is really playing with their heads because they are hearing two different stories and seeing how upset he is.
Now though he is getting increasingly desperate and writing to me telling me how I am destroying our family, how selfish I am and how he cannot go on like this. He says some lovely things about how important I am to him and how much he loves me but then is highly critical about the way I have acted and how wrong I am for ripping the family apart. In the meantime, he is doing very little to help either financially or with the DCs and has not done anything I suggested which would have made a difference to me (ie shown that he can take responsibility for himself). The problem is I cannot cope with what he puts down. In the past I have given into his demands because of his constant wearing down and this just feels like the worst situation. I was so sure that I wanted to leave (my actions tell me that I was sure of the decision I made) but now it just feels like I have to go back to him in order to stop the pressure. I suffer with anxiety as a result of all of this and I cannot contemplate living with him again because it would be awful. I just want to run away and stop all of this heartache. If he could just show me that he cared, instead of just telling me all of the time that he does, then I would have stayed with him in a shot. I loved him and a happy family has been so important to me. I really don't know how to handle this pressure.