Am I silly to blame dp for unwanted PG? (sorry if I upset anyone)

[FlopStar]

I am in such a mess. I can't use the pill due to a high risk of blood clots and a pg while taking it. The implant and coil both made me bleed heavily.
After my last pg and horrendous labour 3 years ago I asked dp to get the snip. He agreed but everytime I spoke to him he was always going to make that appointment or sort it out next week.

We have been using condoms and over December one split I took the MAP the day after but my period didn't start and yesterday I got a bfp.

I am heartbroke. I feel like my body has been through enough shit and he should have sorted it out ages ago.

I feel sick at the thought of another pg and labour but also feel sick about going through a termination.

Well this is very upsetting for both of you. Blaming him isn't on though - anymore than him blaming you would be. You made a mutual decision to make love using condoms.

Jus let the news sink in for a few days. Don't try and decide everything now. If the incident was only last month you've plenty of time to decide.

I know NL, I think I just want to be angry I feel very frightened.
My LMP was 6/12 so am about 5 weeks.

Understandable that you feel scared and upset considering your past experience but you must know you can't blame your dp. It takes two to have sex.

Sorry you are having such a difficult time

YABU. sorry you are finding this so difficult. what does your partner say

at least it's a very early stage if you go for termination, can use tablets, even though it's still tough - but you should've insisted with a (useless) GP and refused to leave even until he makes the appointment! your partner could have had a snip, but it's hard to ask for that if he didn't volunteer.

It does take two but I can understand why you feel angry and upset. Still early days so you have time to think. Given that it does take two he should be prepared to support you whatever your decision.

FYI for the future, I have the same clotting problem with the pill and was advised to try the Mirena coil, which has worked well for me. Just so you don't have to be in this sitch again further down the line.

He just said he will support me with whatever happens but he also doesn't want a baby.

What will happen with the tablets Passion?

And on an entirely separate you say you areat risk of blood clots when pg - I am too and have been told that if I should ever get pg again I need to go to the gp to get heparin injections prescribed as soon as I know 4 or 5 weeks isn't too early - as the changes to blood that happen in pg to make clotting more likely start that early.

So regardless of what your decision is (sorry sounds like a horrible predicament to be in) you ought to talk to the dr ASAP to see if you need anti coagulants.

Another stress to add to your concerns at the moment I know but hopefully relatively easy to sort out and better safe than sorry.

(I have a letter on file from my haematologist with my gp saying this so I can get then with no hassle; they used to think they weren't needed until later apparently which some doctors still think but current best practice is to start ASAP so worth going)

Thankyou ZipZap, I am making an appt with the GP tomorrow so will mention it to GP.
My mum and dsis both had life threatning clots so when I told GP he was reluctant for me to keep taking the pill which is why I had the coil and then I was stuck in the house most days due to bleeding heavily on and off.

I'm with you Flop. I have had two horrific, hyperemisis pgs, and two emcs (dd in October was a crash under ga). I am in negotiation with DH about the snip. He has reluctantly agreed that it makes sense, but has not done ought about it. Our GP has already agreed in principal to refer him before dd is a year old due to my history and age (makes me sound like a building!).

Sorry but why does the partner have to have the snip? What about being steralised yourself? I was steralised at 33 becuase I knew I did not want any more and I took responsibility for my own body.

It took a couple of hours and I was home in the afternoon, the stitches you could hardly see its in my belly button.

I can't understand why a woman cannot take responsibility for her own body rather than rely on a man.

Sorry but you knew the consequences of sex yet chose to have it.

I hope you come to a decision about your baby that is best for you and yours, but continuing seems like it would not be an option for you both as its unwanted.

Oh I have to say that was 14 years ago, would be much faster now.

If your GP is unwilling to prescribe mifepristone and germeprost or misprostol which are the two drugs that comprise the 'abortion pill' visit www.bpas.org or call 08457 304030 to find your nearest bpas clinic.

Bearing in mind that you will be required to attend a consultation appointment followed by 2 subsequent appointments, it is imperative that you act sooner rather than later if it is your intention not to proceed with this pg as these drugs are not routinely prescribed after 9 wks or 84 days from the date of the last period.

The effect of taking the abortion pills is not unlike a heavy period with cramping and bleeding similar to an early miscarriage.

However, please be aware that it may be that your medical history precludes a termination other than by the vacuum method which is a day clinic procedure.

While you are at your GP's surgery don't forget to book an appointment for your dp so that he can be referred for a vasectomy.

I had my tubes tied after dd was born. DH had said he'd have the snip (safer, easier, reversible etc) but didn't get around to it. In the end, I couldn't wait for him, so got myself sorted. DH eventually got around to getting it done, but I'd been tied for nearly 2 years by then. (Don't know why he bothered tbh by then).

Has your DP said he will have the snip now, out of interest?

I don't know Fabby, I had had a traumatic labour which has left me with PTS and a terrible fear of any medical gynecological procedures. I threw up three times having a smear test.
I have taken responsibility for my own body including many uncomfortable procedures including the labour.
I have also spoken to my gp who did not want to refer me for sterilisation until I was totally comfortable with the idea of yet another invasive procedure.
Why shouldn't dp take responsibility for his own body?

Looks like my only option is celibacy at the age of 27.

Thanks everyone who has given good advice.

Oh yes Hamster, he is all for the snip now.

Fabby, some NHS trusts won't pay for female sterilisation instead of vasectomy or coil. Understandable, as it's more expensive. So it may well be a moot point, and even if it isn't, it's unhelpful at the moment. And even if OPs trust do fund it, there's no guarantee she'd be referred for it. She's quite young, several years younger than you were, and there's a perception that younger women are more likely to ask for a reversal.

OP, good luck. And maybe do another test tomorrow morning, just to make sure it isn't a false positive. You never know.

Thanks Flangelina. I also wanted to say as soon as we realised the condom had split I took the MAP within plenty of time. In what other way could I take responsibility for my own body?

I wonder if men don't have the snip because they think they might move on from the relationship and other women might not want them as much if they hear that they've been snipped?

Keeping their options open, so to speak.

FlopStar, I think the tablets aer not contraindicated if you have higher risk of blood clots, but you have to hurry up as they are only prescribed early on, and the earlier the better. Good thing that you knew immediately about split condom so you havea choice of termination method. It is unusual that MAP didn't work - bad luck.

If the op is only 27 our local health service won't sterilise her unless another pregnancy would endanger the mothers life women have to be 30 years and above to be sterilised on the Nhs

TBH I don't think it's men keeping their options open in case they want to move on. IME men are far more psychologically sensitive about their genitalia than women and far less secure. I think they simply feel less of a man if it's mucked about with, and so the snip is much more bound up with their sense of identity than simply their ability to father children.

Yeah I agree jux