Should I contact in any way again?

[TalkinPeace2]

Found an ex from 30 years ago on FB. Sent a silly message. He replied.
We chatted on FB.
We are both now married with kids and middle aged.
I made sure that my DH was reading over my shoulder as I viewed it as purely a friendship contact.
Now realise that he may not have done the same.
Met for coffee and a walk in his home town (my DH had the postcodes)
Was excellent. Good chat, good company, deeply regretted losing touch but in no way regretted moving on. Parted with a hug.
Now his FB account has been closed down and the message I had appears to have come from his wife. It appears I have caused mega hassle chez them.
I've not replied but feel very, very guilty for putting strain on their marriage (my DH is actually cooler since ex and I met as he knows I love only him)
So, ex's birthday is in a few weeks time (I know from when we were together)

Do I send an apology now?
Do I send an apology then?
Do I keep my trap shut?

I feel utterly rotten at the moment to have been the cause of stress.

I would say no more contact of any sort. Least said, soonest mended in this case.

I'm not sure.....

You could possible respond to the wife, and say basically what you have said here. Your hb knew, it was innocent etc. You could add that her hb was courteous and not remotely flirty with you when you met and you are genuinely sorry to have caused the trouble and next time, why don't the four of you meet, if she would like to?

But the caveat for me is - you read to me as tho, even tho you don't regret marrying your hb, there might have been a smidgeon of a thing, or potential, with him, and if so, even tho your hb knew, I would leave it at that. I think sometimes we have to pass on certain friendships with men because they could have gone that way, and we don't want to tempt fate, or be out of order.

Good luck x

Really??

It didn't occur to you that there was even a possibility that one or both of you would feel even a pang of yearning for old times? And he showed no signs of wanting something more when you met him? It's come as a total shock to you that he wanted more than a rekindled friendship, this ex of yours?

Best to be honest with yourself here before deciding what to do next, but I think I'd be inclined to do nothing and put it down to experience.

What did the message say?

Tbh, how would you have felt if YOUR dh was meeting an ex? Perhaps this bloke has form, perhaps he didn't tell her, she found out and put her foot down.

Perhaps she's just insecure, thing is, you don't know, you don't know this guy tbh.

Chat thgis through with YOUR DH too, sounds like he was uneasy about it, so you need to address that issue too!

Meant to say, put your H first in this situation, make sure he's OK before you even think of this other bloke.

BTW I am watching and reading all comments - and digesting trying to work out the best thing to do based on the experience of others.

Ex and I were family friends as well as ex's - we know a lot more of each others' interim history than may be normal. He was the lowest "risk" ex to contact. DH and I regularly see my high risk one. And his high risk one - that's another matter!

You have no idea, what has gone on, or if he was honest about meeting you, or other issues.

I would leave well alone, why cause more trouble? It's not your place.

I'd just drop it and keep well away.

What's with the getting in touch with exes and seeing 'high risk' ones, anyway? Don't see the point.

Isn't this a no brainer answer. Leave well enough alone and don't contact him again.

Your chat and meeting with her husband have caused strife in their marriage. You to a small extent and him to a huge extent. His wife didn't like it.

You don't seem to like it when your DH's "high risk" ex is around and I am sure that your ex's wife feels the same way right now about you.

Your husband knew what you were doing. Clearly his wife didn't.

Leave it alone.