Sex - the route of all evil???

[Itsallgonetitsup]

Well maybe not ALL evil but certainly alot of heartache and misery.

When its good its wonderful BUT

I just think sex is the cause of so much heartache and hurt in the world. I know I am bitter slightly fucked up as my H is not choosey where he puts his todger but sometimes I read stuff on here,see things in the paper and think bloody hell - is sex really worth it.

The amount of hurt just 2 minutes of cock in a hole can cause a lifetime of hurt and grief. The stuff people (men and women) will rick for a quicky let alone full on affairs of repeated quickies.

The amount of relationship issues because one person wants sex 5 times a week and the other once a month.

The sex industry and violation of people, porn and dont even let me get onto rape and child abuse.

I just think Sex has alot to answer for. Dont get me wrong. I dont not like it or enjoy it and yes I still want it. Yes its lovely in a kind loving relationship or a quickie between 2/3/4 or how ever many consenting adults but how many people have had some kind of misery caused in their lives because of sex??

Dunno where I am going with this post really but sometimes wonder when I think of my own fucked up marriage and read some threads on here that without sex alot some of us would probably still be very happy.

I've seen your posts love and honestly?

Your husband is the root of the evil that's infected your life, not sex itself.

You'd be so much happier if you got the hell out of that awful relationship and I'd love to see a post from you when you'd finally done it.

This isn't about sex - it's about the attitude that some people have towards their desires and fulfilling them. It's about arrogance, entitlement attitudes and power. IMO.

Itsallgone

I dont think the sex is the issue. Even sex addicts in reality have issues with self esteem and stress management. And when people have affairs with others, they may say its about sex, but it isnt. When men want uncomplicated sex with women who they are not having 'relationships' with, they are meeting an emotional need of their own that they perceive/feel, just like we are. Doesnt make it right, though.

Someone said on another thread recently that a poster was making the mistake of believing that her h or p had an affair 'just for sex' , when she thought the h was more likely to just say that, because they know how women think and what they want to hear (or maybe they dont always examine their emotions as well) - ie they present it as 'just sex' because its easier.

Sex isnt just about sex. It IS also communication, a self esteem booster, and god knows what else besides.

Thats my view, anyway.

When men want uncomplicated sex with women who they are not having 'relationships' with, they are meeting an emotional need of their own that they perceive/feel, just like we are.

Well yes, often the 'emotion' that is being expressed though is anger, often with women in general, an unsuspecting partner in particular, and/or with their own inadequacies as human beings - and that is especially true of men who pay for sex.

I agree, Hatty, sometimes it is. What I dont believe is that men have needy or over riding sexual urges and that women dont. It is just an argument which alot of men use to explain or justify some reasons for sex eg infidelity. They may identify more with sex than we do, or say that they do, as society has cast the debate that way.

Society has definitely cast the debate that way - with men and women suffering the consequences of it. People are individuals and shouldn't be expected to attach a value to sex that society has constructed according to their gender.

often the 'emotion' that is being expressed though is anger, often with women in general, an unsuspecting partner in particular, and/or with their own inadequacies as human beings - and that is especially true of men who pay for sex
exactly! also anger of a wife not meeting his sexual needs. I think for men it's ALL about self esteem/control, which is pathetic (yes, much harder to prove yourself at work or being good, than srew someone!). For women it's often the desire to be needed by all costs, if she puts up with bad/uncaring sex especially.

I mean not all men, of course, but very many.

I think it's ego. That someone (else) wants you. That you can get away with it because you're (supposedly) careful/clever. That you have one over on the person that genuinely loves you.

None of that excuses shitty behaviour. For some people, the majority possibly, there will never a shag good enough to make them cheat. For others, they just don't care.

Affairs are more about selfish impulses, ego stroking, being addicted to the attention of OW/OM etc - not about sex.

If you need any more evidence of the insane societal beliefs that some men and women have about sex and the rules according to gender, see this thread

.....with posters telling the OP off for 'putting out too soon', paying her way, buying the man a drink, tolerating him going out with friends shortly after they'd had sex and even cooking him a meal and therefore 'appearing too keen too early'

Apparently, men will never turn down the offer of sex either...

It's not so much sex that is the problem, but the obsession with heteromonogamy and PIV as the only proper ways to Do It.

Oh jesus I was just about to say the same as SGB, that's almost painful.

well, since this has turned into a "this is my take on it" thread (and more play to that) I say the problem is not sex, but "love conquers all"

"romance", "soulmates" and "love" are very fucking over rated

you see, IMO, many many people invest too much love in people that are really not on the same page as them

but "love is blind" right ?

well, I say love is "stupid"

open your eyes, and you will see

unfortunately, society is far too geared to women, particularly, making up their own version of "happy ever after" without actually taking an objective and impartial view of the bloke they are throwing their lot in with

Bloody hell, AF. Spot on. And perfectly describing my own stupidity

aww belle, sorry about that

No, it was good advice. As ever. x