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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ok ... opinions needed .. does anyone else think this is strange?

48 replies

wannaBe1974 · 17/01/2006 07:03

Next weekend we are going to the inlaws for the weekend. It's MIL's birthday so we said we'd go. FIL and SIL are apparently cooking dinner in the evening. But here's the bit I think is .. not sure whether to describe it as strange, nuts .. mad ...

My DS who is 3 asked if MIL was having a party, and instead of saying that she wasn't really having one, she's decided to have a party especially for DS! so he doesn't feel left out on her birthday! She's even going to the extent of organizing party games ... we've all got to pretend this is MIL's party, eat party food ... play pass the parcel ... and then put DS to bed after and have another meal!

I Just think she's turning it into somewhat of a circus! apart from anything else I don't want my DS to think that whenever someone has a birthday they're going to lay on a party especially for him!

Does anyone else think this is a bit crazed?

OP posts:

Dinosaur · 17/01/2006 12:47

...or Cod will give you something to whinge about

katierocket · 17/01/2006 12:48

I think it sounds really lovely. And I so think you sound petty. I'm not sure I really understand what your problem with it is.

lucy5 · 17/01/2006 12:48

My dd thinks everyone has a party on their birthday. This is her own idea and i think its lovely. I think your mum inlaw is just enjoying the fact that she can do this for your child.

On dh's side we only have fil and for first year of dds life he didnt know if she was a boy or a girl. He still struggles to remember her name [he hasnt got dementia] She has never had a card on her birthday or christmas. Infact He doesnt even know when her birthday is. So I would say count your blessiings. I

Kittypickle · 17/01/2006 12:48

I'd be delighted to have a MIL like yours ! I don't think you realise how lucky you are to be honest, which I know sounds as if I am being nasty, but really isn't meant that way. I hope whatever happens you all have a good time

TinyGang · 17/01/2006 12:49

Great Grandmas do things like that - that's why their grandchildren adore them! Sounds like just the sort of thing my mum/mil would do too.

cod · 17/01/2006 12:49

Message withdrawn

Aloha · 17/01/2006 12:51

So do you think she shouldn't have a meal in the evening or should have your ds to that? That would be odd!

cod · 17/01/2006 12:53

Message withdrawn

anniebear · 17/01/2006 13:29

is very sweet of her, but as much as I love my food, I don't think I would want party food, then a meal shortly afterwards!!

cod · 17/01/2006 13:29

Message withdrawn

WigWamBam · 17/01/2006 13:32

She is properly including him ... she's having a "proper" birthday party purely so she can include him - and then she's having a meal in the evening as well, so everyone gets a treat.

Would you like to swap MILs, because mine doesn't even think my dd is pretty, let alone want to go out of her way to make her feel included.

anniebear · 17/01/2006 13:36

Is the issue that you think your DS should be included in the adults meal/party?

I would much rather my children be in bed and me be able to have a meal with the adults

Mud · 17/01/2006 13:38

i think you're being totalyl miserable about this. think your inlaws are being great

compo · 17/01/2006 13:40

I don't think it's strange eithe... I think it's a perfect gesture that a 3 year old will love. Wish my mum was so accommodating sometimes...

Original poster

wannaBe1974 · 17/01/2006 13:46

Ok firstly am not deliberately wingeing. My MIL is a nice person and going by some other horrid MIL stories I have read on here I realize I am lucky to have a MIL who is prepared to go to the efforto for my DS. My SIL is another matter but that's a different story - basically hasn't seen DS more than 6 times in his life and then claims she loves being an auntie.

But OK I take everyone's point and apologise if I have annoyed anyone. Personally I would have just done the te aparty and dispensed with the meal - it's a 3 course meal, and she's bought enough party food to feed 10 people even though there are only going to be 6 of us plus DH, so it will be somewhat difficult to tuck into a 3 course meal just a couple hours after that.

I guess I've never really related to the grandparents thing if I'm honest. I grew up in a different country, and when I came back when I was 5 I was sent to boarding school so saw my grandparents maybe once every few weeks, but as they didn't know me they didn't really take an interest. When I was 9 we moved abroad again and I didn't see any of my grandparents again until I was 19 when we came back here again. So suffice to say I have no relationship with my grandparents and as a result don't really believe that a grandparent/grandchild relationship is that signifficant. And of course I'd never deliberately deprive DS of that relationship, but I guess it's just hard for me to relate to as I never personally had it.

Again apologies - guess I'm just having a bit of a bad day today sorry

OP posts:

cod · 17/01/2006 13:47

Message withdrawn

anniebear · 17/01/2006 13:53

Don't have to apologise wannaBe1974. I sometimes stop myself from starting a thread on Mumsnet incase I get told off

I can see both sides, it is very kind what your mil is doing but a bit much to have to eat all that

Auntymandy · 17/01/2006 13:54

you dont have to eat the party food!

anniebear · 17/01/2006 13:56

suppose if you are worried it may look a little rude if you don't eat the party food, just take a little bit on your plate, if anyone comments tell them your saving yourself or the other meal!!!!

katierocket · 17/01/2006 14:00

Grandparents can be great though wanna. My DS has an amazing relationship with my mum - he utterly adores her. They have a very fun yet gentle relationship and get on so well.

crunchie · 17/01/2006 14:18

I think I might have to do this for my birthday

Since we are going to be away for the kids bdays, I could have a party

saadia · 17/01/2006 14:44

I think it's great that she loves him so much, although I can see why you think it's a bit strange. Many grandparents go to incredible lengths for their grandchildren and will do anything to make them even a little bit happy.

Dinosaur · 17/01/2006 14:59

That's so right saadia. My parents would go to any lengths for mine. Which is just as well as DH's father (his mother is dead) doesn't bother about them at all.

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