6 years ago, I was one year into being single, having spent previous 9 years in a largely unhappy relationship with my 2 kids dad. It took me long time to pluck up the courage to leave him, but I did, and it was the best thing I'd done in years!
When I met my (now ex) b/f, i had great job, lots of friends, my own home, was super confident. My kids going to their dads at w/e's meant respite for me,(one has disabilities)- and a new lease of life. B/f swept me off my feet, literally, I fell headlong for him and he absolutely adorded me. Likewise the kids. On the other hand tho, rest of his life was a mess. Unhappy where he lived, a dc from previous relationship not on good terms, lacked in confidence workwise, no real friends etc etc... He moves in with me and we are sooo happy, the golden couple for a couple of years........
Then things get trickier, the honeymoon period fades, my kids are getting more demanding, I give up my job when my dd goes to secondary (as I had no childcare options- she needs f/t support), and go to college to retrain. However this plan doesnt work out, and I end up at home depressed no job no childcare, real problems with SEN provision etc.. takes me a year to sort this out. Then I go back to college thinking this is my time to get my life back in order and B/f has a massive wobble and we split up.. I spent all of last term trying to make it work but he ultimately ended it b4 xmas. Now i hate him and dont want him back - but- what is pissing me off is how did he amnage to steal my life? I am unable to complete my training without his support in the home, so have had to leave college for good. He is swanning around in his new life with his new business I helped him set up, our friends and his comfortable place in the lovely community we both live in. Meanwhile I am at home, with no job - yet-, childcare contraints, responsibilities, and feeling too old and grumpy to start going down the pub again to meet new people..
I just feel like our roles are the reversal of wen we met, its like he's walked off with all my confidence, used me up and spat me out. Our relationship was quite demanding, he's emotionally volatile to say the least, I'm worn out. It feels like he's off enjoying all the perks of the great life I introduced him to, while I'm emotionally destroyed by the rejection, and the loss of 'us'.
I know I probably sound childish but I cant shake it. TIA x