OK, long story, background is i have been with my DH for 7 plus years, married for 3, i have never been good enough, she has been rude to me in front of people, picking me up on my weight etc, she is bossy and pulled a strop when we wouldn?t have her immediately after the birth, she is socially awkward, embarrassing to be out with, has weird ideas on child raising, all of which i have stifled until now with being just civil... until Christmas...
She has poor hygiene standards, is a hoarder, house is a tip, kitchen is a breeding ground for god knows what, to put into perspective nothing goes in the fridge, she stores the foil/baking paper/tupperware etc on top of the cat?s tray(!?), i have cat, no problem with cat?s, but you don?t put the wrap you wrap food in on top of its bed and litter area surely...
Wind forward to Christmas eve, having a perfectly lovely day, we didn?t really want to go to stay this year, its a 300 mile trip, and with our toddler is alot of hassle, we both work FT, but we decided we would go and make it one last time, this was communicated earlier in the year, she sulked, but we want to be at home Christmases to come (nothing odd here i don?t think, especially considering she never had to travel 300 miles for Christmas dinner!).
Turkey gets brought out of fridge at about 2pm, it sits on the side, a fresh turkey, in a kitchen that was roasting hot (wouldn?t mind if it was cool, i know it?s good to let it rest to room temp), until 8am the following day ... a whole 16 hours out of the fridge in a house that was like a sauna, pointed this out to ? got up Christmas day and said ?merry Christmas? to MIL, her response was a deadpan miserable ?is it?!? ... which didn?t bode well for the day, to save on the rest of the story, by bedtime on Christmas day our toddler was violently sick multiple times, i had a sore tummy, but i am obviously more resilient than my child. Baby is never ever sick, so i can be pretty sure it was food poisoning or a dicky tummy ? anyway, we went to bed without saying a thing.
A sleepless night later get up boxing day, and MIL was on phone to her friend telling her how baby had been sick, but it was definitely not food poisoning, but a bug, and what a mess we had made of the bedding and towels we had borrowed... it was at this point I lost it and told her how I was pretty sure it was food poisoning, that the preparation of the turkey probably didn?t help matters and i was curt, quite possibly out of order, but upset, tired and it was the final straw after 7 years of bating!!
DH kept v quiet, i think he was a bit shocked that I had spoken up to her, i didn?t want to, but everyone has a limit, we left early, giving our apologies, as boxing day had originally been planned to be a MIL?s family, and we had a sick/tired toddler, it wasn?t the right time... again, we were sulked at, accused of showing favouritism to my family, and although civil, we left it there. I apologised to her for being forthright and it being construed as rude, and assured her we had differing opinions on some things, but that didn?t have to be a problem.
MIL called us a few days later to tell DH all his family wanted an apology from HIM on behalf of ME... he wasn?t prepared to do this, at this point she also reiterated that my family get to see more of our child than her?s do, DH explained actually last year we had spent 2 weeks annual leave with her family, and had spent 2 long weekends with mine, so they do get more than their fair quota ? to a silence from MIL, i knew she had been harbouring this thought for some time, i hate that expectancy that we must spend time with them, we never get a break ourselves, hence the desire to spend Christmas at home as a family ourselves. They are always welcome to come to see us, to stay, but never do.
I know I will have been the target of mass hatred at the family get together, I have witnessed then doing the same to DH?s aunt in law whose family now no longer go because of this. I can put this to one side, but since (and this sounds ridiculous ? how Facebook can upset you i do not know!), but since then all her family, aunt?s, uncle?s, SIL, MIL, etc have decided to ignore me on FB or post things that are a dig, to the point i may come off there as its very boring.
The final straw though was this week, it was DH?s birthday, he didn?t get a card or any well wishings from his brother, SIL, grandmothers on both sides, anyone, his mum did send a card, but didn?t call him to wish him a happy birthday ? this is leaving me feeling awful, because i know it?s as a result of me speaking my mind for once ? MIL has done a proper hatchet job in me, and I can just imagine what has been said, what a horrible DIL i am, how I keep the GC from her, how my parenting is crap (on this one she thinks it odd I still B-Feed at 18 months, and even went as far to say that if I keep it up much longer it will produce a weakly child...!)
Where do I go from here, even DH tells me to just ignore it, everything will mull over and calm down, but how can I face these people, or want to spend time with them, I can be civil in the face of two-faced nastiness if necessary, but they clearly despise me, i don?t know if I want to expose my children to that, and because of this will definitely not send them with DH alone, as I grew up with that happening with my parents, and it was horrible... anyone else had this kind of treatment dealt them? How do you deal with it?