Am I the only woman who does not bother if I have sex??

[liverLadyLass]

That's it really!
Am I alone and not normal? Woman I know make love at least four times a week with there DP or DH, I on the other hand can go for a few months and still not bother? I'm 28 is this normal??

Three weeks ago was the first time I had sex in two years. It was great but i don't think I will be overly bothered if it takes another two years.

Another thing is I ALWAYS lose interest in sex about 6 months or so into a long term relationship. I have been in four or five LTR and it has happened each time. The effort just isn't worth the outcome really, for me anyway. I would like to understand why I am like that because friends of mine who been together for years are still having a great time together.

Thanks so much for everyone's comments, it really makes me feel better within myself that it's obviously a normal thing having a very low sex drive as I was beguining to believe what my DH was telling me that I might not be attracted to him in that way?? I knew I was but his comments and having no one close to speak to made me think was he right,, my DH and I also argue more like he'll argue with me as he's frustrated and feels un wanted and I feel this also adds pressure to me and I end up just doing it just to please him whereas I'd just rather cuddle up and and go to sleep, sometimes when I know he's needing a bit I dread going to bed or come up with some lame excuse like a headache that I know he knows is a load of rubbish, but I've done the explaining thing and reassuring him constantly it's just the way I am but it's still a problem for him,,

Was going to say, whatever makes you both happy etc. But now you've just typed that last paragraph there is a bit of a problem isn't there between your libidos.

How long have you been together?
Do you have any kids?
Are you still "in love" with him?

Solid - That was an interesting link, it does seem to relate to me, because although I do find people attractive and have enjoyed the buzz of new relationships, even at the beginning I don't really enjoy sex, and didn't like it getting to that stage as I knew I would struggle, as everyone else believes that at the beginning of relationships "they are at it like rabbits". I struggled on both of my honeymoons as both of my partners didn't feel we should leave the bedroom, I wanted to get out and explore. I love getting to know someone, and sharing things with them, but always struggle with the actual act of sex. I just don't "get it", for want of a better phrase . I really struggle with my DH because I want him to talk to me, share his feelings, enjoy just a cuddle without leading to sex. He strongly feels sex is the most important thing that keeps a couples together, as it is something we share that no-one else can.

fuzzy that's the odd thing as I am in love with my husband, we have 2 children, and he will also use the "well if you really love me you would fancy me and want more sex with me", but it really doesn't work that way in my head.

Ho Hum lots to think about.

I too would not care if I never had sex again in my life. While I often enjoy it once I get going, I think I've often done it as it was expected, in order to get pregnant, or to make DP feel loved. I often feel very detached during shagging, and it's not the emotionally amazing thing one hears about. Now I've had the only child I'm likely to have, I have even less incentive.

Not sure if this is stems from early mistakes of sleeping with boys to get them to like me ? which was obviously an error ? or just because I've got a low libido, but it doesn't bother me per se, just in relation to wanting DP to feel loved and wanted.

I don't often massively fancy anyone, either. I think I've felt knee-trembling lust twice in my life.

@ lubeybooby

Read again the first paragraph you wrote, you are in strong running for the "Man Hater" and "Bitter Woman" of the month award.

She doesn't fancy sex and it's a blokes fault, nice diagnosis, please tell us you aren't a counsellor or allowed to offer advice to anyone in an official capacity.

Unbelievable,

Fuzzy: I'm married for eight years and together for ten, were met abroad a bit of a love story really , we have had two children one ds who is eight and a dd who's three,they are both very energetic,and loving kids,they are both mummy's girl/boy,, our relationship as a couple is great as far as I can see, we see each other as great company,best friends,and he's the only bloke out of any relationship who I've had an orgasm with and I recently,through talking about sex with him may be his also,as he was never really able to finish so to speak until he was with me,,

I love him as he does me and I know we were ment for each other as to how we got together... Hope this helps

rafreg so is it always women to blame then? I don't think so.

I am definitely no man hater :o I love men and I love sex. I just can't imagine why a woman wouldn't want good sex. That's the only reason I could personally come up with. I've experienced not having as much pleasure for a while when I was on antidepressants, but I still wanted the closeness of it and it was still enjoyable. and to be honest, it's about time someone stopped blaming women for it and making them feel bad, or at least presented another possible side to it - which is what I've done, and seeing as some men are inexperienced, or selfish lovers, and those men are out there having sex with someone it figures that this could be the case sometimes when a woman just doesn't want it.

However, as MsLillyBeth has outlined to me there are other reasons. It's just I haven't experienced it myself personally.

LLL

Just to add my twprnce... I was also on anxiety antidepressant last year and even though it did not affect my libido as much, I could not "enjoy" it so that was a turn off in itself.

Are you on the pill by any chance? It made a huge different to me when I stopped contraception ttc.

My dh also never understood it and used to feel "rejected": caused lots of problems, most men think love=fancy and if you dont fancy them they think you dont live them.

Well there is nothing more guaranteed to flatten a low libido completely than being under constant pressure for sex. Oh, apart from being in the type of relationship where the man considers sex something the woman gives him or 'lets him do' rather than a source of mutual enjoyment. Because if the man is leaving all the domestic work to the woman and then getting his cock out, she will feel like not just a servant but a sex doll, and not be at all enthusuastic.
If it's just that you've got into a vicious circle of pressure/rejection/more desperation/more rejection then something that can work is having 'alternate days' ie there are days when sex will only happen if the low-libido partner suggests it and the high-libido partner is not allowed to suggest, ask for or initiate sex. This can often help the low-libido partner relax more.

I'm not on the pill or on any contraception, I don't need it lol

LOL sorry LLL!!

Will I ever get a hight sex drive does it come with age?? My worry is I suddenly find mine in later life and he looses his...

LLL my experience was exactly that: it increasd with age (am 40 now). Luckily dh's hasnt gone down yet

I'm bothered if I go more than a month but it has never got to that stage with DH. I think the most we've gone is three and a half weeks after I gave birth. We don't have sex every minute of every day and it isn't swinging from the chandeliers but it's good sex and I'd say it's roughly twice a week, sometimes more or sometimes only once.

If I'm honest, DH isn't bothered and has a very low libido for a man of 25. He finds sex enjoyable but not a big deal and would just as happily go without and share intimacy through conversation or non sexual touching. I like sex and expect it during our relationship which means I get a lot of oral without the need to reciprocate a lot.

:o.

Im 26 no partner and spent most of yesterday crying while looking at pictures of benedict cumberbatch because im just so horny it actually hurts!!! TMI?
If I get any worse with age im not going to be able to hold down a job.

It seems that we are equating 'sex' with penetrative sex. This is not necessarily so. I'm post menopause (it came early) and I still get randy thoughts. I masturbate so I do think I have sex regularly.

Dworkin it doesn't necessarily have to be penetrative but I can't get on board with calling it sex unless there's at least one more person present.
Self Love is just a hobby to me :)

WSOAB - at the moment me and my fervid imagination is all I've got and I like it. I do, see it as sex; and I always have.

I'm the same - just not interested!

I cant wait till the day when there's no one to bother me for sex

Would not care if I never had sex again. It used to be great and we were at it several times a day/night. Then kids came along. my attitude just changed once I had all the kids, too tired and yes, all touched out!

The more we don't do it, the more I think he's probably looking at porn. The more I think about him looking at porn the less I want to do it.
So I don't want to do it but I do want to do it.
Seems like all my friends are ok with their partners watching porn, I just can't get with it!
Sigh.

I'm 22 and feel exactly the same. Concerned because dh doesn't quite share that, but I can only be who I am. Hope that as dd gets older can get some sleep then maybe things can get back to how they were a few years ago...

Really glad you started this thread as I feel a little more normal!