dh gets on my nerves

[lostboysfallin]

That's it really
Everything he does, says
I don't want to kiss him, cuddle up to him in bed

Don't feel affectionate at all
He has some annoying habits, but nothing major, but they are driving me crazy

We have just started counselling, mainly to do with his stress and what it is doing to our marriage.
Do I bring this up?
He is going to be so hurt, he's trying so hard

Have lovely dinner booked out tomorrow and I'm dreading it, boring small talk, same old crap

Its affecting my health now, feel so anxious all the time
Gp prescribed diazepam today, to get me through it
I feel like if it wasn't for him, I woudn't need it

Is this making sense?
I'm so miserable

by all means do that Mike.
This one is for lostboysfallin.
Can you get him to channel his anxiety into something productive? Running? Cycling? Something that relieves stress and does you good?

Mike, check out my 3rd post. And I don't moan or whinge at him at all, where did I say that? I keep all of this frustration inside. I have politely asked him not to pick his feet on the couch.

I do a lot for him. Ive let him sleep, I've listened, I've suggested the gym, running, healthy diet, walks, holidays. Counselling, go, private go parenting courses.

all done positively, encouragingly. Its all about him.
his wellbeing rules my life, so actually Mike, you know nothing.

And there's no way he would start a thread like that. He's gone to work this morning, apologising, and saying he knows he's a cu#t and I don't deserve it.
he hates what this is doing to him, and yes I don't want this to be our life, so I am asking for help.

Ignore mike, every post I've seen him make is blatantly one-sided in favour of the man. He is obsessed with the idea that women here are moaning about their husbands and attacks them for it. He usually ignores anything an OP has said about the complexities of their situation, even if they are trying very hard to be fair and talk about wanting to sort out their problems.

Do you love him? Respond instinctively.

yes i do Chickens.
i love him and I want him to be happy

Then you need to tell him that he is doing your head in. Seriously. Depression makes you self centred and selfish. IME, the more you try to help by pandering, the worse it gets. So tough love time. Tell him you love him, but he's driving you bat shit. That he needs to support you, and meet you half way. That you can't carry the entire marriage. That if he loves you and wants to be happy again he has to do something about it. He won't like hearing any of this, in fact he might whine a good bit. Tell him he's whining, and it isn't attractive. Be strong. Stop being the one who tries to fix this for him, because you can't. And as you're discovering, it only leads to resentment.

ChickensGoMeh is right, perhaps you need to be frank. It sounds to me like you have been positive, given lots of good advice, been patient, but it has worn away at your feelings for him. I think I'd give him a bottom-line opinion on how you feel, I suspect he doesn't know this or suspects it but doesn't dare address it in case it all falls down like a pack of cards. I think you need to make reality match what's in your head, so he needs to know that it is difficult for you (and for you to articulate this) and so fixing this for both of you has to be your goal. At the moment, you are gritting your teeth and simply can't stand him anymore, this won't help him get better. I would say, 'I"m worried that your stress etc is having a massive impact on our marriage, I do love you, but I am concerned my love is being stretched to the limit'. I personally think honesty is better as you can then work together to fix the whole thing (including your anxiety and dislike of him).

I would also find an outlet for you to let off steam, counselling, good RL friends, a diary, somewhere you can write all this stuff to get it out, otherwise it's going to be really poisonous.

Counselling appt today was good from my point of view, but think he felt a bit ganged up on. It gets to that point and he just can't deal with it, and wants to walk away.

How would you feel if he did walk away?

Like life would be easier

You can't fix him. Just as he can't fix you.
He has to take steps to go to gp.
Maybe you both need individual counselling right now .

Stop begging him.
Take charge.
Tell him he goes to gp for himself Gp can do depression questionnaire with him. .
Decide on a plan of action . Exercise therapy meds .

Or you take a few days apart get some space to think both of you how to address the issues.
You can make a choice to do something here to make things change.

Is there someone he could go stay with for a few days ? How old are dc? Can't be fun for them with both parents under stress Any happy relatives friends they could stay with on the weekend ? while you both think about next steps

Oh fgs
Things were looking so much better, and now he's flipped this morning about ds reading a book and me asking him not to let ds look in the boot of the car, coz there's Easter eggs in there.

I really can't do this
No doctors appt made
Done nothing.

I don't understand - he is the one who's depressed, isn't he? Everything you say about him suggests that. He does sound awful - I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him. I'm sure you do love him, but god, I couldn't live with someone who complained the whole time.

So why are you being given drugs to help you cope?

You say if you left you wouldn't want to go back. This, then, means you should leave. Do you have children together?

Day went from bad to worse. Imperial, I spend all my time working out how to destress him and its making me anxious.

He hasn't moaned much today but unbelievable lack of patience with ds, and now he is feigning illness and gone for a lie down.

things have been so much better, we had a fab weekend away, and he's been much calmer and not getting worked up about stuff.
we've communicated better.

Today, he's got so worked up, all to do with ds's behaviour.
He put his finger in the tomato ketchup and he just went off on one.

He has made no effort to see a professional about his physical issues or his own anger/stress/depression
Im ok, I just don't want to deal with him anymore.
Im churning inside
I tried the diazepam, nothing, absolutely nothing.

I know this won't help much, but I often deal with stress by going for a lie down. At my worst, it was the only way I could stop the thoughts going round in my head. I suppose you could say he isn't feigning illness, he certainly sounds like he is ill.

Have you talked to your GP about your worries re your husband? Am not sure, but think a close relative can ask for a psychiatric assessment of someone?

Pinkpussycat, im fine with him going for a lie down, I suggest it every single weekend. Its the drama that goes with it. Oh im sick, can you check my temp, get me some tablets, and a blanket.

Again, im really nice, I get it all for him

What would happen if you didn't get it all for him?

I think he would just moan and then somehow accuse me of not caring. Sometimes I think its an attention thing.
He's cried off our day out today. Suits me after yesterdays fuss.

You might be right about the attention thing. I'm afraid you are enabling this entitled behaviour. Next time (and we know there will be one) let him get his own tablets,take his own temp, get his own tablets. It will feel weird, but he needs to start taking some responsibility for himself.