Talk sense into me but please be kind...long but 'entertaining'?

[grippingon]

V V Long and shit saga......I am not replying to texts from a person we shall call 'Bearded surfy twat'. (BST) Please help me stay strong !!

The facts of the case:

Met BST in 2007 - I was married (mostly happily) with 2 DC's
Stupidly and ridiculously begin affair with BST in 2008
October 2008 fall pregnant by BST
BST does not believe the baby is his - claims it is one of my colleague's.
BST claims to have caught genital warts from me (untrue)
BST decides it is the right time for him to do a world surfing trip.
December 2008 I miscarry the baby
January 2009 I confess all to stunned husband and rip his heart out
February 2009 husband moves out and BST fucks off around the world
October 2009 meet a new man who we shall call 'Evil Dwarf'. (ED)
May 2010 I boot ED out after months of mental and physical abuse.
June 2010 discover I am pregnant
October 2010 BST returns from world surfing trip and discovers he has a penchant for pregnant women.....
October 2010 4 months pregnant we have a couple of nights/weekends together. He is fascinated by burgeoning baby bump
November 2010 He asks me to book a holiday so he can show me and bump off
End November 2010 He has met and fallen madly in love with another woman
Feb 2011 - month the baby is due - he turns up in the middle of the night having orchestrated a huge row with his girlfriend so he can have one last night with me and bump - though by this time I am so huge and uncomfortable I can barely move. I, like a stupid idiot allow this to happen.
Feb 2011 I have the baby. (He's lovely)
End Feb 2011 BST turns up in the middle of the night ASKING IF HE CAN BREASTFEED. I turn him away - meeting lasts about 10 minutes and I am shocked.
March 2011 BST reports that he again has genital warts - this time off his girlfriend - clearly forgetting that only a month earlier he was in my bed and I might find this a bit upsetting...
Henceforth we have a texting friendship which until November of this year ended in a late night phone call most nights - someone to say goodnight to. Bear in mind I am on my own with 2 kids and a baby. The nights are very long and lonely.
December 2011 all of a sudden the late night phonecalls end. And so do the texts - because he has now met Olga, the latest love of his life.
January 2012 and he has started texting me but I have not responded at all.

I get that he only hurts me because I enable him to. I am worried I will relapse and start the cycle again. I find it painful to let him go, but understand that if I recommence contact it is a licence to him to just piss all over me again. I am weak and lonely.

Any thoughts, anyone? Please be kind, I'm on the edge...

He is a freak stay well away

"I get that he only hurts me because I enable him to"
I'm glad you said that.
I was reading down thinking about how it's all being described as one night stands etc done to you like you have no choices.

Thank you.

Sandalwood - thank you for that point it is very helpful. It has all been on his terms because I have acted like I have had no choice. I don't know why I let that happen. You have really helped. xx

Thank you so much, Mrs Micawber.

You know when you know stuff is bad, but it takes writing it down to see it properly - that! WTF

And you lost your husband over this nut job.

My dear girl, for the love of god, the next time you meet a guy, come run it past us would you? You seem to have a total twat magnet in your knickers!

:)

throw every form of communcation out block, delete etc.

Take "time out" till you've fixed/renewed your knicker magnet!

Yes, I lost everything over him.

XH has moved on, and I am single mum to 11 month old (who wouldn't be here if any of the above hadn't happened, I suppose).....
I spend a lot of the day in tears. I am such an idiot.

Stop having unprotected sex for a start - that's the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

O dear, I don't find your account at all entertaining and you need to discover why you embarked on becoming your own worst enemy instead of trying to make your 'mostly happy' marriage wholly satisfying.

Until you get your head sorted and end your self-destructive behaviour, please be aware that if you fuck around with twats you're best advised to use contraception and get yourself tested regularly for stds.

Have you had yourself tested for STDs??

Glad to hear your poor Ex Husband has moved on though

Please stop getting pregnant to random men whom you have known for 2 minutes. Think of your dc's-do you want them having a succession of uncles in their lives?

Does the Evil Dwarf support his child? Or is it the good old tax payer again?

Rabid - nice...

gripping - I really do feel for you... You must be so very lonely. I don't know what to say. Please don't let other people treat you this way and please, please look after yourself. It's like you've got some sort of self destruct thing going on which is sometimes and indicator of a very troubled childhood (speaking from experience). Any chance of any counselling or even self help if you can't face actually talking to someone?

Well definitely don't talk to the Bearded Surfy Twat, he is MAD and a massive bastard and user.

I honestly don't know what you were thinking starting an affair with him, but it suggests that your relationship with husband wasn't as good as you are now painting it to be.

Ideally, how would you like your life to be? In a year or two years or five? Set some goals for yourself. Do you work? Got good, supportive friends?

Change your number NOW! Throw his number away!

He's a knob!

x

I honestly don't know what you were thinking starting an affair with him, but it suggests that your relationship with husband wasn't as good as you are now painting it to be

There's no evidence for that 'suggestion' at all, either from what the OP's said or from life experience generally. It's often the 'get-out' clause for people who have affairs though...

OP the best advice is to read some material about co-dependance, get some good quality therapy and stay away from romantic relationships until you are healed and have a greater sense of your own self. It goes without saying I hope, that you should have nothing more to do with this abusive man.