'Too itchy' to have sex and other excuses (possibly TMI!)

[slognitivetherapy]

We've been together for 8 years, no children as yet, lived together for the last 6 years.

My Dp won't have sex with me. We tried again for the first time in 6 weeks last night, but he stopped because 'he wasn't getting any sensation'; nevermind my enjoyment . I suggested that we er... get back in the saddle by having sex every night this week; just tried to initiate it and he told me that his eczema was too itchy.

To be fair, he does have a few patches, but as a eczema sufferer myself I'm sceptical (he's seen his GP). He's trotted out this as an excuse for the past 18 months or so, sometimes he won't let me touch him unclothed . Bizarrely, his eczema doesn't stop him receiving BJs. We haven't had full sex for a good 3 months. We do have kisses and cuddles outside the bedroom though.

I love my Dp, but at the moment I just feel so frustrated. His lack of attention is making me feel absolutely crap. I've suffered from depression in the past, so I understand how it feels to have a low libido, but in the last year i've really turned my life around- getting a new job, volunteering, socialising, and I just feel that our sex life is the one thing I haven't been able to fix.

Not entirely sure what i'm asking- perhaps some ideas to help me and dp get out of this rut!

Sometimes it's a chore for blokes because they always have to perform. Do you lie back and think of England?
Assuming you're an adventurous lover, then it sounds like he's watching a lot of porn and getting his release that way.

Are you trying for, or discussed trying for children?

Did he elaborate on the 'no sensation' comment? Do you use condoms, they can reduce sensitivity I guess? Or do you feel this is just the latest of a long line of excuses? How old is he, could he be less sensitive due to that? Is he circumcised? (sorry for all the TMI questions!).

The thing is if he is ok with a BJ why would he be less sensitive with sex? Does he suffer from premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation? It may be he is worrying about coming too quick or not at all, or not satisfying you?

Speaking from experience, the only way you will ever find out what is going on in his head is by asking him, that's not to say he will be honest about it. It's such a hard conversation to have- but in a loving relationship you should be able to discuss anything. Still easier said than done I know, good luck.

giyadas I think you might have hit the nail on the head; dp has always been vocal about wanting children, but last year extreme broodiness kicked in for me hence discovering mn and I think his lack of libido dates to around that time.

I don't actually want children yet though- especially with my career change.

Maybe he just doesn't feel like it. You have been together a long time and the sex does usually go off after a while, he cant help not wanting it, generaly its the woman it happens to.

Back off with the pressure you are putting him under it and it isn't right. Sort yourself out and lay off the blowjobs.

Thanks for your support egg.