im a SAHM and don't have many friends cos Dp thinks......

[biglips]

i don't open up or confined in people about my problems. I supposed that ive never had but they have confinded in me which im happy to help now and again (well ive only got 3 friends), but i find my personal life is private, unless someone is talking about their probs in their personal life then ill talk abit about mine, but i cannot just blurt it out!.

Yes me and my dp do have our up and downs and money is a strain, but i do keep it all to myself and sort it out myself but i like to have a handful friends who i can see from time to time as 1st friend lives far from me and ive got no car atm and my youngest is in the morning nursery and my oldest at school all day. 2nd friend always got problems with her hubby and 3rd friend (school run friend), i used to go to the gym with her (but now im 17 weeks pg), but i find she got her own circle of friends and i dont really wanna butt in. Her kids are best friends with my kids from school. All 3 are lovely people too but i dont see enough of them, cos they are busy bees themselves.

I live in an area where im not originally from and i feel down and depressed. I moved here cos i used to work not far from here. There are days where i simply cant be arse and feel flat. ive been depressed for years now but cant seem to shift it.

Ive had different groups of friends over the years but i gave up cos i was doing the most of the chasing.

Im just asking if anyone else on here is like me.

Am i gonna be a loner forever???

I'm the same, hate feeling lije i'm forcing someone to hang out with me because it would be rude to say no. As a result i have a wide circle of acquaintances - people i'm thrilled to bump into in the pub/supermarket - and one or two good friends that i'm in regular contact with.

I'll be your friend, I hate getting someone's life history and sexual practices in the first five minutes! Unless you literally say no more than hello and won't so much as state a preference for tea or coffee, it sounds more like you're shy than that a lack of confiding is hindering you.

i have been told that i am shy and im not a loud person too.

what do i do? as im not getting younger as im 37 now (but young in the head ).

the prob ive got now is that i gone past it and thought "fuck it, just carry on" but it does get me down.

Be happy in yourself (much easier said than done) People will respect you more for quiet confidence than needy brashness iyswim

whereabouts are you biglips

i wish i can Purple but i do feel lonely.

Emily - im in Liverpool

No-one has ever met anyone who says that they have too many friends. Too many acquaintances, too many "mates" but never too many friends. Everyone wants more friends, everyone values true friendship. I've found that this deep friendship only comes from sharing a history of some sort - maybe you've shared a long time together, maybe shared some kind of adversity, maybe some kind of shared joy.
The key word is "shared". These can be experiences, generosity, kids, holidays, but some way you have to open up.
Good luck.

thanks mike, ill remember that.

I remember years ago an ex gobshite boyfriend said to me "ooh, you are so secretive, you dont let out much", but i think my dp thinks the opposite cos hes lovely.

Biglips, all I can think of is, remember the importance of 'the local network.' The man in the shop, the people at the school, the garage man, the neighbours, the people in the cafe and so on. (Just listing mine off actually!) I heard somewhere that these people make up our wider network. Remember all of them and say hello to them all the time. Then you won't be alone, or lonely, you'll be waving in the street while non-impinged upon.

yes i agree with the local network and yes i do say hello to them all the time (esp as i live outside the bus stop ) and they are lovely people, but i do spend an awful lot of time with my girls (and dp) and wishes i had friends who i can have "me time" with.

so maybe i should open up, but to strangers?? and i dont see anyone who i can offer a coffee back at mine. im not a needy person for probs, or am i??

is it simple or not? i dont know.

Where abouts are you? Real friendship takes time, shared experiences and time invested but it's good to start somewhere, maybe just start chatting to someone for 5 minutes instead of 2 one day? If you say hello often enough they'll be someone you click with- maybe I'm no expert though :) good luck

Just give a little more to people, a bit at a time, and see how you go and who feel good around. As someone said to me a few years ago, be cool and be yourself.

What about if you look at it differently and be the friend someone else needs iyswim. Kinda looking at their needs instead of just seeing what your needs are. That way you can be sociable but still keep your privacy because you're focusing on them. Who in your neighbourhood could do with a friend? Everyone has a story, most people are very interesting.

How about parents of your children, maybe you could all go to the park after school together, or you could invite one of their school friends round to play and include the parent? Is there voluntary work you could do in the community that would give you adult company outside the house?