Anyone with some knowledge of Asperger?

[IsThisAS]

I have been battling for a while to try and understand my H and I can't seem to be able to.
I've been advised to read 'Asperger in love' and so so many things seem to be ringing true. It would be a 'nice' explaination (as it would mean he is actually a nice guy and is really trying his best) but I am very worried that I am finding excuses for him.
So could you tell me if these reactions would be in the remit of AS?

• On me asking him if he though we should get married, he said 'Well, you are the woman I've been with the longest so you must be the one'.
• On telling him that I was working late one night 'But then I won't be able to go running with the dcs and make dinner!' >
• At the end of the day, I tell H that I have done a bit of yoga and feel much better for it 'Oh, a little wwalk AND some yoga today. Woha!

Back ground is that I have been very tired for a long time (close to ME type of symptoms) so haven't done a lot of 'execise'. That day we all went out for a 2 hours walk (which is a walk in the park in H standard. A walk is at least 4~5 hours long going up hill)

• On me saying I would like to know what is going on at work/with work colleague 'Why?? You don't know them' and then saying the same when I am talking about work colleagues 'I am not interrested. I don't know them'.
• I can't make any comment without it being taken as a criticisism, even if this is to try and find a solution together. Any attempt to 'discuss' solution is rejected because if I point out a potential downside to his solution, 'I am obvioulsy trying to put him down, rejecting his solution and generally having a go at him.

Any thoughts?

Thank you all, this is very interresting.
I am quite careful to say 'Oh yes he has AS' because in the past, he has also being very difficult with with passive aggressive tendencies (or at least that's how it felt to me) but I've always felt he wasn't PA as such but it was more a way to protect himself iyswim??

All this thing about AS has made me think about sarcasm though. I think I need to look more carefully next time it happens and try and get what is going on. He certainly has used sarcasm with me and with the children and it has always felt as a put down to me.
From the stories you have been telling, I am thinking he is quite functional or at least can look like he is functionning normally.
But he is obviouly finding socializing ackward, he can zoom out of a conversation completely. His hobbies are very specific (and he won't talk about them because I don't know anything about it). He doesn't talk and saying how he feels is just out of question. I've had so many bewildered looks when I explained I do want to know what he is thinking/feeling because I do care about him!

Re getting a diagnosis or even mentioning that he might have AS. This is just out of question tbh. Our relationship has been very difficult this last few years. In part because I have taken things the wrong way or not explained myself well enough (IF As is the reason). So telling him to go and try a test online or anything like this will not be welcome...

His dad ... It would be nearly impossible for me to say anything about it. Communication not flowing at all. I do have a very good relation with MIL though (and I am sure she isn't on the spectrum).

xpost green.
As I said, I can not ask him that atm.
I have done it 'for him' and he comes over the 32 limit. But it is biased isn't it?

Why do you think it's biased?

No no I don't think the test is biased but it is the fact that I am doing it for somebody else. To have a real answer he needs to do it.

Obviously, but try to do it dispassionately based on your knowledge of and experiences with him.

Another example of my ex's aspie traits making him completely oblivious to the needs/feelings of others -

We're walking over to the car, it isn't central locking so each door unlocks individually meaning I have to wait for him to get in the car and unlock the passenger door. It's something like 2degrees - I'm visibly cold and making it obvious (shivering, teeth chattering etc!) and he walks over to the drivers side, stands there thinking for a minute and then says over the roof of the car "I've decided I might sell the greenhouse". "yeah, ok" I reply, hugging myself, freezing to death, hopping around on the spot - he then says "well, I never actually use it, do I?" I reply "no, you going to open the car then?? I'm freezing!" he stands there a few more seconds and says "I reckon I could get about £200 for it?" I snap "OPEN THE DOOR, YOU CAN SEE IM COLD AND REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW" he looks shocked and says "you should have said!" He unlocks his side of the door but mind still firmly on the greenhouse he then stands there and says "or do you reckon £150?"

OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR.

"Hmm I just won't talk to you then if you're going to be like that"

god give me strength. Patience of a saint I do NOT have.

Lol That is Aspie.

My best male friend has Aspergers. He is unable to read my body language. If I am cross with him & quiet with him, he won't ask why. He won't even acknowledge my change in mood. He is emotion-less. When I cry he says I am leaking. When I ask for a hug, he asks why.

He comes out with very harsh facts ('well she is a lot lighter than you are') The week before that it was "I met (person's name) but I didn't make time for you because I wanted to see that person more".

I knew he was meeting someone he enjoyed the company of but their friendship was awkward so I asked him if it went ok, if he saw a friendly face. His reply was "no, not a friendly face" which I took as he didn't meet that person when actually he did meet them but he didn't consider them to be friendly.

Things get twisted a lot. He misinterprets what I say & vice versa.

It's blooming hard work, he doesn't communicate at all on any level. Everything is black & white, there is no compromise or discussion. I very rarely get a thank-you for presents or going out of my way to help him. I have given up on pointing it out to him. He just doesn't see it as appropriate - apparently because I do these things, I must automatically know he is grateful.

He makes me laugh when we do get together & I have to bite my tongue a lot.

Dear lord, experiencednanny, what's in this friendship for you? It sounds very unrewarding in the abstract, with you having to make all the allowances.

I'm following this thread with interest, as I think my father is on the Asperger's spectrum, undiagnosed. My mother, married to him for 40 years, has no idea, and thinks 'men are just like that' on occasions like the time I phoned them to share the good news that a pregnancy scan they both knew I'd been frantic about was OK, and my father didn't respond but launched straight into a fifteen-minute monologue about his hobby.

Experienced, that sounds just like my ex boyfriend. That too started as friendship. Careful!