We have had lorry loads of shit tipper trucked on us over the last few years.
DH ex wife has been such a nasty poisonous woman, hacking into emails, sending emails from imaginary people pretending they have fucked my husband. Pretending to be an old friend on facebook so she can see my life, calling my employer to tell them I am a slut. Telling his children I am a drug addict and alcoholic, and that my son has SN because I drank during pregnancy and posting pics of stange looking babies saying they were my dc. Posting fake pornographic photos of me on websites. Calling my family to tell them that her son has fallen down the stairs and broken his leg and we told her we didn't care.
The icing on the cake was not letting dh see his 3 kids, and then bringing them to a campsite 1 mile from our house, and sending a postcard.
We are both battling depression mainly due to the effects of this behaviour. I also have menhorragia so have to cope with this month by month, makes me tearful and grumpy on top of everything else! His depression is sometimes life consuming.
On top of this we both had to travel a lot and be away from home, don't have immediate family nearby to help with childcare, have had one night away from dc in 7 years, and 5 nights out alone tops.
What I find helpful is to get time to talk. We are trying more to get time alone and away from the normal environment, even if it's putting the dc in Ikea play place and talking over meatballs! we always book a hotel on holiday with a kids club so that we get time alone now too.
You have to sometimes swallow the bitterness down, accept things and move on.
We did have a counsellor, and when we told her the story of our lives, both our hideous childhoods, the last 5 years of ex wife grief etc etc her eyes kept getting wider and wider....she said she was amazed we had stayed together through all of that to the stage of counselling, and made us realise that we had been through soooo much together. We've asked each other openly and calmly if we want to get divorced and agreed that we don't.
Write lists of the things that attracted you to him, and him to you,and be honest with yourself - are you exactly the same, haven't changed at all? Is the blame all one sided? And listen...you may not agree, but it's his opinion, and that makes it personal and real to him. Take his feedback on board.
I also look at old photos, loveletters, etc and I try to think of the positive things he does for me...making cups of tea, bringing me hotwater bottles, not complaining through my tv programmes etc.
It's not easy...but you can do it.