Seriously, would you take this on??!!

[LovelyLizzie]

Sorry Ladies and Gents, I am in shameless self pity mode.
I've posted about my woes here before so apologies if I'm repeating.

In brief: DH left me for another woman. I started dating a younger man and that ended. I'm on online dating sites but haven't met anyone significant.
I'm 44, I have four kids. I love the bones of them but they are not enough. Does that sound selfish? I want a life partner.
My ex was abusive and I have no self esteem at all. I feel old, fat, ugly. All of the men my age want younger women and the younger men just want sex. My body is a car crash, sometimes I look in the mirror and don't even think I look human, let alone attractive. I am so sexually inexperienced it is a joke. I honestly thought I would be with my ex forever. I don't even feel like I fit into the modern world, dating has changed so much..... It's so superficial and competitive. I know I have good qualities, I am educated, compassionate, strong and wise. A friend of mine said to me today on facebook "yeah, like men give a shit about that lol". It seems that its true.

My family are long lived. Do I have to be alone for the next forty years?
Thank you for listening to me moaning.
Lizzie

OH Right!!! It was the typo actually, I read 'anting' as 'hating', didn't know what it was supposed to be. Sorry bout that :)

oh goodness no, i hated them going, now i am more used to it (stupid long nails and typing)

Was making nod to OP's reference of her having lost her way whilst being a wife/mother and that i 'get it' , but you do make a new little personal life eventually

Voluntary work is a great idea. I work for a charity and three of my colleagues started there as volunteers and are now paid employees. Many more volunteers have moved on to jobs in other organisations.

I'm sure you are an interesting, fun person to be around and building an interesting, rewarding life for yourself will help you to shine even more. You've had a rough time and now it's time for you to have the life you want to have. There's nothing to lose! Good luck!

So, find a new hobby, don't just talk about it jump in with two feet, join a zumba class, join a gym, (both good for your body and endorphins to make you feel better to counteract the depression side of things).

Then if you feel you can spend some time away from the children, try something different. Last ML I decided to learn how to make sugar flowers, totally off the wall, totally bonkers, met the most lovely lovely women, used to take the tiny with me but it was brilliant and I really miss doing something that was slightly frivolous, slightly bonkers and creative. It opened a whole new door for me and I am now expanding my ideas and broadening my "cake" spectrum and wanting to do other courses if I can fit them in, friends ask me to make cakes for them and they PAY me. That was from a jump in idea of not wanting to sit at home mooching in the middle of nowhere.

I am not saying I am briliant, however I am saying that from something small and a little bit random I could potentially have a new career for myself if I chose to follow it up and some new friends of lots of different ages. So jump in with two feet. Good luck