Hello,
Looking for a bit of support / advice on what to do next I guess.
I am nine months pregnant due to have first baby next week. I am excited and scared simultaneously and at times feeling guilty that I'm not purely excited but guess that could be normal?! Who knows.
Anyway OH and I have been together 2.5yrs so not all that long before I got pregnant (both 30yrs old). When we first found out about pregnancy my partner was unsure whether it was the right time. We had had a few relationship issues and he was (I think) mildly depressed. Anyway there was no way I couldn't go ahead and after some very tough weeks he came around to the idea and since then has been 100% supportive helping out with all preparation and antenatal classes etc. he has really impressed me and I am pleased he was able to turn it around.
That said our relationship sometimes feels a little forced. I know we love and are committed to one another and I know we only want the best for the other but I can't help feeling at times like he doesn't love me 'enough' ie he loves me but doesn't adore me (probably expecting far too much...?) but I often feel like he's sad on the inside.
I am generally a very positive person and feel like despite fear I can manage most things in life. I feel I am by far the stronger person in this relationship. I don't mean I walk all over him (quite equal i think) but he is not confident and lacks the ability to think into the future etc. at this time being so pregnant I really desperately feel I need added support and to be allowed to feel 'weak' and just a little looked after. He is good at the practical stuff but I always feel he can't engage with the mental side too. He just sort of ignores it.
Last night we had a huge discussion/heart to heart. I sobbed for some time saying he just never seems truly 'happy' he agreed and cried a bit too. He tells me it's not me and I am torn between believing him (I want to /need to) and thinking its bull because if he did really love me this would be a happy time for him. Maybe I am wrong and perhaps he just suffers from mild depression. He has suffered from it in the past quite a lot and I'm beginning to think he has it all the time but just can't handle it so ignores. I think he himself would admit this.
Right now I feel like I just need to be happy in my self as much a poss for our baby. I'm soooo scared when it arrives next week he will have to fake happiness which is like a dagger to the heart for me.
Has anyone else been through anything remotely similar with a partner being mildly depressed?? To all onlookers our life is good, nice place to live, ok jobs and far from rich but ok plus healthy families and a baby on the way. I feel like he will just never be happy and I find it so sad.