Main signs you don't get on with your partner

[feelokaboutit]

Hi
I cannot see the wood for the trees. The worst thing about h and I is the total and utter silence between us. Anyway, on a similar vein to the threads about how you knew your marriage was over, I would like to ask the question, how do you know if you fundamentally, don't get on with someone and are actually mismatched???

I would say total and utter silence is a fairly good indicator that things are over...

I suppose if you don't get on with them and feel you are mismatched! How do you know it? I imagine you know it. You feel it. You know when you don't get on with someone. You know when you don't have anything in common with someone. You don't need signs to point to it. You know it.

If they irritate you just by breathing, if you switch off when they talk, if you have nothing in common and hate that, if you think their views are ridiculous, if you are embarassed by them, if you find yourself cringing when they open their mouth, if you avoid spending time with them, if you have nothing at all to talk about, if you don't look forward to being with them...

You want to lamp them more or less constantly?

Contempt is a good indicator.

His breathing offends you.

Yes, contempt. Also indifference, which is said to be the true opposite to love, rather than hate which can indicate you still give a shit, but are just angry.

There's being incompatible as opposed to not getting on, too. To my mind: not getting on is arguing, shouting, bickering, disagreeing all the fucking time, etc etc. Being incompatible is feeling very in love and being generally happy apart from when one or both of you indulge in a behaviour that seems abhorrent/inconceivable to the other. I suppose the latter can lead to the former. Plenty of people break up when they still love each other, is what I'm trying to say. Sometimes they reach a point when they see that they have no future together. Sometimes they just can't be in the same room without it turning into a slanging match. It really depends on the people involved and how they 'do' conflict.

You hate the thought of going home to them, waking in the morning and they are there. You cringe when they speak to you.

all of the above

Thank you . Still can't really see the wood for the trees as it is difficult to separate behaviour stemming from anger from that stemming from simply not getting on or fundamental incompatibility. Have given myself a six month deadline in which to improve lots of things for me personally and us as a household and to see if this has an effect on me and dh (also to put me in a less powerless position should we split). Our main problem, or my main problem as dh does not seem remotely affected, is that there is NOTHING beyond the superficial, that I can talk to him about. Certainly nothing ever to do with us. So I feel as if I am choking with repressed words and feelings.

Have you told him how you're feeling? What you're thinking?