I've never started a thread before but am at the end of my tether and would value some of your thoughts (sorry this is long)...
I think I am at the end with my DH but can't quite believe it. We have an absolutely amazing DS aged only 21 months, and have been together for about six years, married for four. DH has his own business, works insanely long hours, which has always been a difficult thing between us. Now with DS it means I do pretty much everything at home and childcare, plus work 4 days a week, and I am usually at home most nights because he works late. Sometimes this situation really gets to me but most of the time I deal with it, because DH is very ambitious and has goals to eventually sell the business and have a different lifestyle, goals which I share. But he doesn't get to see much of DS or me, and it's hard. On top of which, my job is utterly shit, my mum is very ill and probably dying, and I generally just feel very low most of the time (I have found it hard to shift weight for the last few years and I get really down about that).
my DH and I argue a lot, always have, and he can be very cruel. we only really fight because I start conversations about the problems in our relationship and then he goes on the attack as a defence mechanism, but he can never be wrong...he is happy to bury his head in the sand and ignore our problems (which I think we all are sometimes because it's easy), he expects things to go away. it's always me to instigate talking about our relationship and always me who tries to fix the problems. He is never the one who is the cause of the problems
we have an added complication: his business partner is his ex of many moons ago, they have been friends for 20 years and have an intense relationship - she needs to call pretty much every day, even on the very precious days we have together as a family. this has always been a problem and it has led to some serious arguments over the last few weeks. I don't think they would get back together but it does feel like a '3rd person in the marriage' sometimes. but despite all of these problems, our relationship can sometimes be great and we have wonderful times together. however our sex life has been very sporadic since DS was born and we argue so much more.
basically, this weekend, it has come to a head, we have been arguing constantly and I don't think we can fix it this time, too many horrible things have been said on both sides. on the one hand, I feel a sense of relief, that probably this relationship is generally bad for me because we can never resolve our differences, and it is better to try and develop a non-toxic relationship with my DH that will be better for DS in the long term. he makes me feel as though I am losing my mind and that I am always the one at fault.
on the other, I feel like dying because I want us to be together to raise DS, fulfil our dreams, grow old together as parents. I don't want him to change too much but be more considerate of my feelings. He is a unique and unusual man in many ways, one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I do want the relationship to be like it was - when I was pregnant and just after DS was born we were so happy...
I guess this is all a big long jumble and it's hard to distil a relationship into a few paragraphs, but how do you know when to call it day? Am I crazy to want to make this relationship work anymore?