Please hold my hand (if you can) while I end EA

[whatstodo]

(Name changed for this) I'm about to end an EA and need some strength and support. Although I know I was getting emotionally involved, I thought I was bigger and better than it and could handle it. However, I now realise that I can't and it's just as wrong as a PA. Please don't judge. I know I've been wrong and I want to end it before it goes any further. It has really scared me how easily I got into this situation.

He says he's in love with me so I feel I need to let him down gently. I've never told him that I would leave DH and I've always said that I'm happy with DH, but we have discussed our feelings for each other and crossed many boundaries. I have not said I'm in love with him but I have said that I care for him more than I should. I know he's going to be hurt when I tell him our 'friendship' has to end and why - though we have both already discussed that it is the only way this is going to end.

I have spoken to DH and told him that I have realised my friendship with OM is inappropriate. We are working through these issues and ending things with OM is the next step. I need to make sure it is final as I work with him and there mustn't be any more temptation. What's the best way to do this?
I am looking for another job too. Thanks.

Happy to hand hold too. You have done well coming clean and setting the wheels in motion to sort things out. You must be exhausted and confused and feel horrible.

Hand holding too. Well done OP.

Well done for putting a halt to it before it became a PA.

Is this man married? Is he aware that you are?

Don't worry too much about hurting him, afterall, had the affair progressed he'd haved caused a lot of pain for your DH.(alongside you,of course)

Your DH sounds like a good, understanding man.

Sorry, didn't answer your question. Just tell him the truth, that it is inappropriate and has to end.

I don't think neither of us intended to hurt anyone. I feel really sad but am hoping that I'll feel more relieved than anything once it has been done. The main problem is that these things grow from friendships and whilst I know the friendship wasn't real because of the attraction, I shall still miss his company. I need to phone him in a minute, just trying to get the courage up.

Come on, you can do it!

It'll be easier than you think. and once you have done it, you can start to focus on your life with your DH and getting that relationship more healthy.

Best done now.
Good luck.

You can do it OP. Best of luck.

You'll still miss his friendship - yes it was founded on attraction, but it was still there.

Good luck.

Good luck

If I've read it right, he does know you're married? If that's the case, it's probably not going to come as such a shock to him.

Onwards and upwards

I've called him and he made it easier for me. He said he knew I was phoning with bad news (because I never phone him) and asked me if I was ending it. Basically asked yes/no questions so I didn't have to say too much. Said DH was a lucky man and that he respected my decision.

Am very upset and can't stop crying. But I do know in my heart that if it was DH I'd just had that conversation with, I'd be a lot more than upset as I'd be devastated. DH has been really supportive and says he understands why I'm sad but that he is really pleased I decided to do this off my own bat.

Now it's time to move on.

well done for ripping off the band aid.

Blimey

well done

now stop crying over another man, and move on

would counselling help to consolidate any lessons you may have learned from this unfortunate episode ?

to explore what weaknesses there were within you, to allow your boundaries to be breached quite so devastatingly

Yes, we are going to Relate. There are other issues that need to be dealt with too so everything will be covered.

Thanks for not judging.

Well done.

good luck x

Your DH must be very understanding.

Very well done OP.

Good luck to you and your DH, hope you can sort everything out.