Contacting MIL

[ShillyShally]

I'm separated from my husband who is living with OW. MIL popped in on her way past to spend Boxing Day with my STBXH and left her coat behind. I'd rather expected her to call for it on her way back home but as she didn't I packed it up and posted it out to her (recorded delivery). I added a polite note thanking her for my card and gift of money and wishing her all the best for 2012.

Now I know that she has received the parcel and expected a brief call. MIL is an absolute stickler for manners and thank yous and so this is all a bit strange. I've guessed that I'm probably persona non grata with my husband's family following our split, which OK is fair enough, their loyalties lay with STBXH not me.

I have always found it difficult to read their family dynamics/etiquette. In my family, if you've annoyed someone, you talk about it and sort it out. STBXH's family seem to rely on subtle hints and snubs to the wrongdoer and historically, quite often, I've been too oblivious to pick up on this!

But ... I don't know whether just to ring her and ask, or just leave them to get on with it! It feels a bit like one of her tests of my manners that I am doomed to fail (I know this is really trivial but its been nagging at me all weekend and any advice would be much appreciated.)

If it nags you ring her.

They sound like hard work. TBH if it were me I would put it out of my mind (easier said than done I know) and forget about it all. It really does not matter if it is an 'etiquette test' from your MIL, they will all soon be EX in laws so it matters not a jot that you may fail this test of hers.

I cant stand people like that who rely on subtle hints etc to get across that they are annoyed for what ever reason. We thrash things out in our family (mine and my IL's) get it in to the open and deal with it, then move on.

Don't bother. If she's received it she's either rude, not got around to thanking you or playing mind games of some sort - either way the obligation is on her not you so just let her get on with it. You can't spend you life playing games you don't know the rules to.

Does it matter what she thinks? One of the joys of divorce is that you don't have to play silly games with the IL any more, as they are not your problem any more.

Eh, her son is gone off with another woman. She forgot her coat and you were kind enough to post it back. She failed to thank you and you are worried about your manners?

Come on OP. Stop being such a doormat. Yoiu shouldn't CARE what she thinks. She is 100% in the wrong for not thanking you.

She's probably embarassed at her sons behaviour and if she's not she bloody well should be. Don't pander to these people. The more you do the more ridiculous made-up-as-they-go-along 'rules' they will invent just to see you jumping through their hoops!

They should be bending over backwards to stay on your good side, not the other way around. You are the wronged party here.

I'd be tempted to ring say something like "just checking you received your coat, I was worried it had gone missing because I thought you'd have called to say you got it" thereby putting the lack of manners back to her because I'm a bitch like that-.

You can't spend your life playing games you don't know the rules to

This really helps - why should I worry about why someone would give you a gift one day and cut you dead the next!

Thank you everyone. I shall file the whole experience in the "goodness only knows" box and leave well enough alone.

TooEasilyTempted -- I'm very tempted but shall try to resist :)

I'd leave it, you've been polite, she may be busy or whatever but you're not psychic. Wait or better yet forget about it.