My ex's second relationship - can you help me sort out my feelings?

[2ndtimeblues]

My 25 year marriage ended about two years ago. Lots of reasons but the final straw was his refusal to end an affair with a woman. They are now together and planning on getting married. I don't want him back though I do long for the marriage I once had and thought I was going to have for ever.

But - and this is something I can't seem to deal with - I want his new relationship not to work out. For all sorts of reasons.

1. if it doesn't work out then it means I wasn't the horrible person he said I was.
2. why should they lie and cheat and cause all this damage to my children and me and still be happy. It doesn't seem fair.

None of these things are rational and none of them help me deal with what I have to deal with. But I keep returning to these points. I don't want to be bitter, I really don't but it makes me so cross that he just seems to move a new woman into his life and I deal with the fallout.

Thank you. Good wishes to you too.

This has been quoted on here many times but it bears repeating...

"When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opportunity"

What goes around comes around. Just make sure that when he is up to his arsehole in dirty nappies and sleepless (and sexless) nights, and sees you living the life of Riley, you dont agree to have him back! Because you will be so much more attractive now you are the free and single one and he is back where you both were years ago.

And as for his OW understanding him, what a joke! Shame he doesnt realise that you understand him only too well, and thats why you wouldnt piss on him if he was on fire! The reason he thinks she understands him is because she doenst know him like you do, and she boosts his image of himself. Give her a few years and she will "not understand" him either.

Wanker.

I think you're well out of it. I agree with other posts up here. If you would get some pleasure from retribution then letting your ex see how free (to do interesting pursuits) and how sorted your life is would probably be the best 'punishment'. He'll be up to his neck in baby stuff soon while you are sorting out your life living it to the full. Good luck!!