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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands......again!!!!!!

7 replies

Pudmog · 15/01/2006 12:04

Just need to have a rant.

I am fed up with :-
-no respect
-being treated like a PA
-no cup of tea/breakfast in bed- ever
-changing the majority of nappies
-clearing up cat sick
-not being able to get in touch with him, even though he has a mobile phone.
-putting work and his duties at church first.
-not thinking ahead when he goes shopping and buying a piece of beef that would only feed a midget, let alone a family of 5.

  • double standards- on one hand he tells me not to worry that I have been stuck at home looking after two very sick kids, who have created loads of washing, including the need for our double duvet to be laundered so do not worry about the housewoek and then him having a major rant that there are no shirts ironed and the washing has not been folded or put away. At least I have been doing the washing! -moaning about piles of stuff around the house- most of which are his DIY stuff, and the Christmas decorations which he said he would put in loft two weeks ago. -fed up of producing meals lovingly cooked, nutritious and him not giving any thanks for them, ever. -disciplining the kids in a way that undermines me completely and makes look like a big bad ogre of a mum(maybe I am). -fed up with me having to organise everything- holidays, kids,our social life(what social life) -his obsession with sex or lack of it and the 'pressure'it puts him under. -going on the computer before dishwasher is loaded etc and then moaning about the mess and dirty dishes, whilst I am struggling to put baby to bed. -biting my toungue to all of the above. -of him twisting things so that I look like the bad one. -of not having a true joint account, so I never know how much money we have. He gives me x amount of money- which I find demeaning. -i suppose I feel like I am being controlled by him.
  • he is lovely but.........

sorry to go on- just need to get rid of it all.

OP posts:
Pudmog · 15/01/2006 12:06

oh and completely crap Christmas presents.

I really hope he does not read mumsnet.

OP posts:
stitch · 15/01/2006 12:12

sounds like mine!
just ignore him best as you can. deal with your kids, and yourself. let him moan. try to let it in one ear and out the other.
if he wants shirts ironed, he can do it himself.
get his credit card number and do grocery shopping online. if he moans, rememebr its his kids you are trying to feed. ignore his moans.
make a life for you an d your kids.

PotPourri · 15/01/2006 12:17

Aw Pudmog. sounds like you are having a rough time. What about agreeing with him for you to have a day off (and make sure he knows what should be done in a normal day - i.e. washing, cooking, cleaning, kids to bed, kids lunches sorted for tomorrow etc etc). I bet he has no idea just how hard it is for you.

Regarding ironing, I just stopped (told DH that I was going to) and he has to do his own when he wants ironed shirts. I also stopped putting his clothes away, just leave them in a pile next to his side of the bed. Yes, it bugs me seeing piles of clothes, but I am not about to be one of those wives that darns socks!

Fortunately DH is reasonably well aware of what I do each day, so I think that has helped things. But if he genuinely doesn't know, then you need to give him the chance to see for himself how hard it is (ala mums on strike!)

Good luck chick

Pudmog · 15/01/2006 12:23

To try and balance this he will say :-

  • he is the breadwinner. -he does some of the shopping-(but never really gets what I want) -takes the kids cycling(yeah-all the fun things) -does the DIY (well he started the bathroom last APril, the sitting room has been plastered and waiting a fireplace for 3 years!) and so it goes on....
OP posts:
MeerkatsUnite · 15/01/2006 14:16

Pudmog

Not saying that you have't already tried this but have you tried to talk to him and explain exactly how unhappy you are with things?.

D'you think that Relate would be helpful to you both?. If he did not want to attend such sessions you may wish to go on your own. An impartial person may help with putting your own thoughts together.

He would be wise not to ignore or deny the underlying problems in your relationship re communication, chores and finances. Both of you need to talk this over with a counsellor.

mummygow · 15/01/2006 14:20

pudmog could your husband be mine??????????/

stitch · 15/01/2006 22:54

yup, your husband and mine must be twins.
re the bread winning, well, he has to, so fine, whatever.
shopping, dont ask him to do it. just do it yourself online. no hassle, and you get what you want.
cycling, good, let him get on with it, whilst you have a lie down
dont pick up his dirty laundry. let him stick it in the laundry bin. if you dont have time to put the clean laundry away, leave it in the tumble dryer/washing machin/rack type thing until you do.
do not waste time ironing his shirts, or polishing his shoes.
dont listen to anything he says if its negative about you. as long as you know that you are doing something worthwhile, the best way you know how, you shouldnt feel any guilt.
remember, men are really only useful for a few things in life. for emotional support we always have to go to the women in our life.

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