Crushes - how do you get over them?

[insertnicknamehere]

Ok, so this has been going on for 6 months now and I don't think anything is going to come of it so I need some advice on how to get over it. I have a massive crush on a man I know but it is going nowhere. I think about him all the time. It dominates my thoughts during the day and it sometimes keeps me awake at night.

He is single, and so am I but I have recently come out of a LTR and I'm not ready for anything serious. He is very cute but he's a total player and wouldn't be interested in any more than a casual fling. I'm not thinking of him as boyfriend material though, I just want to shag him senseless so that would suit me fine.

He was very flirtacious with me at the beginning but now I'm not sure anymore if he is actually interested. I think he's probably just one of those guys who is flirty with all the women he meets. He still flirts a lot whenever I see him but that hasn't really moved up a gear in months. He did text me a few times over Christmas (I didn't even know he had my number) but none of the messages were particularly flirty. They were more conversational I suppose, but also quite unnecessary. However, I'm not sure he knows that I am no longer in a relationship. I wonder if I have been reading too much into his behaviour because I fancy him SO much and I just want it to be mutual IYSWIM. He's generally quite sucessful with women so I'm pretty certain he's not shy.

We see each other a couple of times a week and he does seem to trip over himself to get talking to me, although he probably thinks I do the same even though I'm trying to play it cool. I've already made a massive twit of myself when I decided it would be a good idea to drunkenly text him at 2am one night over Christmas. He replied and we texted back and forth for a while but I was quite drunk and the texts weren't making a lot of sense so he called it a night after about 45 minutes. I was too embarassed to mention it the next time I saw him and he didn't mention it either. I feel now that I should have, but the opportunity has passed.

I think I have to find a way to get over this because it occupies way too much of my time and I don't really see that it's going anywhere .Any advice welcome.

He's single, you're single, and you've been boxing & coxing for months?

If the thought of shagging him senseless is keeping you awake, it's bull by the horns time.

On your next meeting sidle up to him, gaze into his eyes (best to wait until he's finished ordering his pint) and whsper 'Honey, have I ever got the hots for you - wanna scatch my itch sometime?'.

Then give him a cheeky smile and a wink and go sit elsewhere, rejoin your friends, whatever, and wait for him to make the next move. If he's remotely interested in jumping your bones, he'll make it and, if not, you can pass off your pass at him as a big joke - maybe one of your friends dared you or whatever - before turning back into a shy and retiring wallflower.

I've got considerable experience of male players and I discovered early on that they tend to sit up and take notice if they encounter females who are sexually sophisticated and more forward than they are so vamp it up, honey, and lead him by the nose (or another pointy part of his anatomy) and you could find yourself with a slave for life!

that is scratch my itch, btw. 'scatch' sounds as if you want him to sing a jazz duet with you or something even more painful.

izzy, that sounds good in theory but unfortunately I am so badly afflicted that I get quite tongue tied around him and also I have conditioned myself to play it cool for so long I don't think there is any hope of my vamping it up and hitting on him. I don't think I am sexually sophisticated enough for that or for him.

O dear. If you're across a room from him you could try texting the sentiment and giving him a wink and a little feminine wave - i.e. palm stays still and you flutter your fingers - from a distance but you'll have to make like a silent movie star and claim you have a severe bout of laryngitis if you're to do the deed without words.

Eureka moment!! Flash cards . 'Hey, big boy', 'Wanna get it on?', 'My place or yours, honey', 'Relax while I slip into something more comfortable', 'Mmm - IM-press-ive', 'Take me I'm yours' should cover it and a good screw may loosen your tongue.

You're single, he's single, he's a player, you don't want anything serious...perfect, if you ask me. Just come onto him. Pick his hand up and kiss it. Not that terrifying to do, works like a peach.

This has to happen! You both want it!
Keep us posted please!

Oh you guys are so funny, I am actually LOL at izzywhizzy's Flashcard idea!

I will admit that I am quite sex-starved though, which is probably contributing to the problem. Ex P and I were not sleeping together for a long time before the relationship officially ended so it has been, eek, 10 months since I last had sex!

Unfortunately, no matter how desperate I get, (and I'm pretty desperate ) there is no way I will ever be brave enough to make the first move. My sexual confidence is on the floor, partly due to the way things ended with exP (he basically went off with someone much younger) so the first move will have to come from the other guy and that is not looking promising.

Of course I will update if there is any change.

if you are tongue-tied I expect he feels you are not responding to him, so is not going to move up a gear.

I don't know if flirty texting could work but you can try. Real life is going to be more effective (and sooner or later necessary) though. Neither of you is looking for a pen text-pal

Hi OP, poor you and god I know exactly what you're going through, bloody awful can't get that man out of your head. Anyhow here's an idea if confidence is low (and worked for me!). If you can't say it to him, then just look exceptionally hot (and I don't mean like a hooker) and give him some (really) obvious looks, if he's into you and sounds like he is, then he'll go for it. Go get your hair done (great for your confidence anyway) something to get him to look at you differently, lighter colour/shorter style etc. Clothes tight in the right places but not revealing much flesh (give him something to fantasise about), heels definitely (men are so obvious) and so on. When you next see him, stand slightly sideways show off your best assets (i.e. tits out stomach in), do that looking at him for a bit longer than you should, maybe a smile if you're feeling brave! Go for it, you've got nothing to lose!