When does sexy e-mailing with old flame get too much?

[MinkyWhale]

A VERY long time ago, over 20 years, I ended a five year relationship. So we were young, gone through college together, he had then been sent to work in Australia. We actually split up when I had gone to stay with him, things were ropey and I fell hook line etc for someone else. He was devastated. I left him v quickly, moved back home and married. End of.
My marriage ended 5 years ago, I have one child and other casual relationships. Nothing serious.
Out the blue, he has got in touch by e-mail (he was moving jobs and going through old addresses apparently); he's married. This started last month and is now fast and furious and highly explicit in terms of general chat and memories. Today was very specific about one sexual encounter.
The simple fact is we will not be meeting given the distance. I have no ties, he does - do I just let it play out (it may lose novelty value soon...) or is it my obligation to worry about his morals?

Him being on the other side of the world is no excuse for his actions or yours. It will certainly affect his real world if his wife finds out that he's been e-mailing explicit stuff to some woman in the UK. You are probably not the only one he's e-mailing like this either.

He is an ex and ex's are ex's more often than not for good reason.

You do not need to respond to his chat. You are allowing yourself to be taken in by this creep and that says as much about you as it does him. He saw an opportunity.

You can't see a reason why you can't have some form of relationship? Really?

OP, please read Rinderella's post again. Try not to do this to another woman. He is a joke, obviously , getting his kicks from words written by an ancient ex miles and miles away!
It is sad, really.

OP. He is married. He lives on the other side of the world. He was a boyfriend 20+ years ago. You haven't seen him since. Why on Earth would you want to continue with any sort of relationship with him? What's the point (other than potentially hurting another person)?

Seriously, I think your ego has been massaged by this man getting back in contact with you (I wonder how many more of his exes he has emailed). Is your life really so lacking that you need this man's attentions?

Cut contact, block and move on. That way you are saving yourself from being partly responsible for causing someone else hurt.

Rindercella - no, but thanks for asking.

Minky - what on earth is there in this for you? He sounds like a sleazy twat.

That's quite ok. You sound utterly charming and deserving of one another. Good luck

Why would you want to do this? grim.

You don't see what harm it's doing, why can't you, it's not affecting his real world.

Well yes it is actually. All the time he is texting, skyping his hareem of hard faced tarts. There will be more you know. He isn't focussing on his real life. You are the ow. This is an ea. You don't care. I sincerely hope one day it happens to you, when you settle down again.

I've never been cheated on to my knowledge, however you only have to read the heartache here, the pain caused by men and women like you. Posting the way you are so blasé when so many women have been there. Is showing you to be quite a nasty piece of work tbh.

I find it very odd that you don't seem to be exhibiting any sympathy for his family.

Don't you have any shame? I'd be so ashamed of having any explicit communication with a married man. Hell, I'd be ashamed of a bit of silly flirting.

If you don't see that this is wrong then there is no hope, your moral compass has failed you.

Everything that Rindercella has said.

What response were you hoping for?

MoChan - if I had not been in a position of concern about his specfic behaviour, I would not have posted about my obligation towards his morals.

In my experience - and yes, BecauseImperfect, I do have the experience - nasty pieces of work don't even think about it let alone seek input. Also, to say that you "sincerely hope one day it happens to you" kind of isn't "BecauseImperfect", unless I'm misunderstanding your nickname - wrong person to seek advice from.

Maybe he is at it with all insundry, maybe he isn't. I was trying to avoid the Diane Abbott approach to generalisation and look at just my relationship with him.

You dont care about others input though. You are the typical, selfish person in the thros of a sexual ea. Its all about what you get from it, why you shouldn't give him up.

If you were looking for justification for your shameful behaviour. Wrong place. Everyone can see what you are. Karma can be a bitch ya know.

Yes, he is responsible for his own morals and relationship.

But it doesnt excuse you- women taking an interest in married men for their own purposes is never nice.

And you are wasting your time, when you could flirt with someone more available.

Whatever I am doing or have done, I would rather that you did not specifically wish me ill in the future BecauseImperfect and then attribute it to karma being a bitch. In my experience its a rather more subtle process than that.

No, his morals are his own business. But your morals are your responsibility and it is out of line being involved with a married man. Just because you aren't betraying a partner of your own with these emails doesn't mean that you behaviour is acceptable, it isn't.

Why if it happens to you, it won't be a problem will it? As you don't think it's a problem? So how is it wishing you ill?

So something you presume will be a non issue in his real life, won't be for you if your future husband does it. Correct?

Look, if you thought this was all friendly and just a laugh you wouldn't have been asking for advice. Did you want permission to continue emailing him? Did you think everyone would agree with you thus relieving your guilt?
You know it's wrong to continue so just stop.

The statements made here of some "hareem of hard face tarts" are based on nothing either you or I know. You want to discuss my behaviour or his behaviour with me alone, as I op'd with, then it makes sense to my question. But that is the only basis on which this question has validity.
I can respect the views of posters who have generously taken the time to comment on my relationship with him as a married man and the rights and wrongs of that, and will think about their views on that. But I am afraid it is a step too far for me to decide he is guilty of repeated/ongoing liaisons when I don't know that, and nor do you.
I'm not generalising, that's why I did an OP. Otherwise I could have just read what others had previously posted and not put my own feelings down. As far as I am aware MN is not a battery chicken farm.

You never answered my question? You've since said you don't see the problem continuing with the man right?

How is me saying I hope the same happens to you wishing you ill? As what you are doing isn't a problem right?

People have seen right through you.

Even if you are the only woman he has ever done this with, it is still a horrible, sleazy thing to do, which reflects badly on both of you and shows no understanding of what his wife might feel.

I can't see any reason that we can't have a form of a relationship. Especially from the other side of the world

I can

you have both already crossed the line and you are being either naive or callous

which is it ?

Yes, I'm a bit perplexed as to what you want from this thread really OP

So you'd be perfectly happy if, as and when you enter into a new relationship, your DP cheats on you in this way?