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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am I imagining jealousy?

10 replies

biyboo · 05/01/2012 17:43

My husband left in Oct 2011 while I was 4.5 months pregnant. I am now 7 months pregnant. A good freind said something that shocked me but now have noticed some truth in what he said. He said be careful and watch out for certain female freinds. Why I said, he continued," you dress well and are pretty and I can imagine some girls will not want to invite you in to their "time" as they will worry about their husbands. I was shocked and said people would not be that cruel or stupid? I am pregnant, just lost my husband who I still love and I have never cheated or stolen anyone from anyone, I do not want sloppy seconds. My freind is elderly and said he had experienced this.
I have noticed one freind in particular who has behaved like this. She lives around the corner 2 mins away and only replies back on voicemail a week or two weeks after you call. I needed to talk to her urgently and left a message once, she did not even reply. Her messages are,"just about to get on underground can't talk. I feel she does this so she can say to others she called. I can tell she does not give a damn. Her husband was really kind and I am so aware of not stepping in to other's spaces.
Whenever I met up with her I would always give her a nice compliment but she never could do the same for me. I was also loving and complimentary to her children too. You notice things in people and now going through a pregnancy on my own and a divorce good genuine people stand out and so does the rubbish. I hope that she never will go through what I am.
I have a freind who came all the way from St. john's wood, cooked food for me and even bought me a nice home gift and she has a 3 yr old son, but she did this really sweet gesture for me.

Last week I was nearly burgled and Police were called, apparently 2 other people in my st had called police about same matter. I thought to myself if there was a real emergency there is no way on Earth that she would bothered.
This year I will edit an awful husband out of my life and get rid of rubbish/fake people.

OP posts:
ClaraSage · 05/01/2012 17:57

I agree, lose the unhelpful, negative people. When you have a crisis you learn who your real friends are.
You sound strong and determined. Well done so far, you will be a fine Mother.
Good luck.

ChristmasIsGone · 05/01/2012 18:32

I can't see any jealousy here. Just the fact that you find your real friends when things are getting hard.

biyboo · 05/01/2012 18:42

Thank you Clara. The minute I found out I was pregnant I began seeing things a little different every day. I am so happy that I wake up not having to think how H would push me away, glare at me and give me silences. I am FREE and I love it. I have met a few new people who are really nice and do not have the "what's in it for me" attitude. 2012 is the big detox year for me and I know that my life will be better for it. I still have a battle and struggle to go but I want to keep my heart and spirit clean through this and also not be bitter but I will definitely do a people clean up too.
I think after baby born I will meet nice/ kind and more genuine people who will be decent enough to see who I really am. I don't like hard abrasive people who thrive on cheap gossip and others misfortune. I know we are all human and not perfect but this particular girl spoke of all the negatives I just described in every conversation.

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TooEasilyTempted · 05/01/2012 18:43

You're imagining jealousy. You're just finding out she's a shit friend.

TooEasilyTempted · 05/01/2012 18:45

You sound really strong and clear about what you want for yourself in the future. It's so refreshing to find that in the Relationships section.

biyboo · 05/01/2012 18:50

I think of jealousy link because her husband was kind/decent and I could see her face expressions were annoyed at him, XmasIsgone is also very right in that your true freinds/good people are there for in tough times.

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biyboo · 05/01/2012 19:13

Ha Ha, you know I think you're right TooETempted!

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Noreturn · 06/01/2012 01:04

I think you may have a point op. But it is your friend's insecurity about her relationship and not your problem. She sounds like she may have trust issues.
A similar thing happened to me when I was going through a bereavement and was not coping very well. A friend's husband started flirting with me. I kept him at a distance and would only talk to him to say 'hello' in passing.
I felt very uncomfortable when he once greeted me with a hug and a kiss (never happened before) and friend saw from a distance. Her face was like thunder and I felt like slapping him. I never encouraged this flirtation.
She 'dumped' me over a period of a few months not answering my calls, texts etc.
Can't say I blame her, but it upsets me to think that she thought I may be interested in her husband! I would never cheat or betray a loved one or a friend in this manner.
Your true friends will be there.

Noreturn · 06/01/2012 01:06

Good luck with the pregnancy.

biyboo · 06/01/2012 09:27

Sorry to hear your experience Noreturn. It's a really frustrating feeling especially with all that has popped out on our life. What a complete idiot of a man. It's a pity she could not talk to you about it rather than cut you off when you most needed people around you.
True, that true friends are there.

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