Time to call it a day?

[unicornshoes]

I?m not really sure where to start with all this, but will try and give as much information as I can and not dripfeed. I?m really upset today so sorry if this makes little sense. DP and I haven?t been getting along now for a long time, well at least 10 months since our second DC was born.

I think the main problem stems from his drinking or rather inability to know when to stop. He has let me down recently, a couple of times over the Christmas period and I thought it was all sorted tbh until today when he announced that he is going on the stag weekend for 2 nights, one of them being my birthday, whether I like it or not and he?s not going to change. How I should be happy that he does what he does do for this family i.e. the main wage earner and that I?m lucky to have such a great guy who helps out around the house and with the children, as he claims many men wouldn?t do as much.

During the run up to Christmas, he had a few nights out, one of which he took cocaine despite promising not to take it anymore on several occasions in the past. His excuse was he was drunk and couldn?t say no?! He lied about it to begin with but it was obvious to me that he had, then eventually he came clean and said he had one line, then later admitted it was a few lines. He apologised, I forgave him (stupidly) and so everythings ok for a few days. Then he goes out with his DB for a few pints, DB gets home at 12.30, DP 4.30am. Says he met a man in the pub and went back to his for a glass of single malt, DP has never touched whiskey so sounds like more bullshit. Next morning he says he can?t remember what happened and he only went back for one drink. So how does it take 4 hours to get home on what should have been a 20 min walk? Why didn?t he walk home with his DB, why go back to a strangers house for a drink? It was Christmas eve and he knew I?d be furious as I had so much prep to do as had family over for Christmas dinner the next day. I wanted to kick him out, I?d seriously had enough but DSIL talked me out of it, I would have ruined Christmas day for the kids etc.

I think what I?m trying to ask is, is this it? Is this relationship worth working at when I seem to be the only one who makes and effort. I?m in two minds, spend the rest of my life worrying and being unhappy but keeping the family together or go our separate ways and I?m left to pick up the pieces with two young DC to bring up alone?

I'm just so tired of the meaningless promises and let downs.

Sorry that was a bit long, but advice needed please as I?m at a loss.

Only you can decide that OP.

I'd stop forgiving him and start getting tough.

Personally, I'd kick him out on his ear and see what happens. By the sounds of it, he doesn't take you're threats seriously. Once he's away it will give you time to get your emotions in order.

You have not been getting along now for quite some time have you.
What do you get out of this relationship now?. He seems to bring nothing but trouble and strife into your life and you and by turn your children are now being dragged down with him as a result.

What keeps you within this now?. A hope that he will someday have some epiphany re the drugs and drinking?. That won't likely happen and tbh you're the last person who can help him. Being there for him won't help him nor you for that matter.

You cannot save or rescue him but you can certainly help you by formally separating from him. I do not advocate separation lightly but he gets what he wants from this and you're doing all the donkey work to keep this failing relationship going.

Start looking at your options legally speaking.

You are not responsible for him.

We probably weren't getting on before that, I just can't remember the exact point things started to go wrong. I know we argued a lot during the pregnancy and I didn't particularly enjoy it. Think it was similar issues as above.

In all honesty I don't know what I get out of this relationship now. I have been speaking to people in RL too and they think I should give it more time/think things through. I'm fed up of doing that and feel I've given him numerous chances, feeling very sad about it all today and numb. I've been a mug.

Next time he tries to bullshit you, bear in mind that it's rarely possible to have one line of coke or one glass of single malt because one inevitably leads to another.

As for his bout of amnesia, I'd take that with a large pinch of salt because it is no doubt a euphemism for him having done something during his 'lost' hours that he knows damn well you wouldn't be overjoyed to hear.

Only you can decide whether you're 'lucky to have such a great guy' in your life. Personally speaking, I'd view him as more of a liability than an asset and would be looking to liquidate the relationship because he's a liar.

Dump him asap. He's a waste of space and you and DC will be better off without him.

staying with him to keep the family together is no use my mum did for 5 years before she finally left in those 5 yrs we were all miserable, my dad was not abusive or bad to us (tho was to my mum we just didnt know until adults) but my sister and i knew all was not well. Once my mum left we were all a lot happier including my dad.

Well, just follow the usual half-baked advice on here:
Go running to the divorce courts, irrespective of any possible harm it may do to the family; irrespective of any deep knowledge of you or your status. After all, he's clearly got Aspergers, or NPD or some other illness diagnosed from a few lines of script!

Apologies for being facetious but some of the anti-male stuff on here ticks me off.

You already know what you're going to do. What you really need is a good mate to talk it through with.

Anti-male? I hope behaviour like that isn't deemed to be typically "male"... sounds like typical "selfish addict" behaviour to me. (I have four grown sons myself so I bloody hope it isn't "male". Fortunately they aren't showing signs of it.)