Emotiomally unavailable

[ChristmasIsGone]

I would just like what you would make out of these comments from DH.

• We were having a chat and looking at him I could see he was looking sad. So I told him 'You look sad..'. H got upset and then looked very surprised when I explained that this was just me saying what I had seen. That how he felt was important to me and I wanted to know. He said he was finding that sort of outlook strange (as it is strange to want to know how the other person is feeling and to care about it).
• He says that he usually doesn't know how he feels and lives only 'in his head'
• That I usually know better than him how he is feeling (??) and he finds it very annoying
• That he does things wo thinking about me or the dcs 'because it is easier to think only about himself'

So what do you think?

sorry but i think you are clutching at straws.

he sound deeply inconsiderate and.... well selfish really and happy to be that way even if it makes you unhappy.

as you've grown your differences have become more apparent - or maybe just it's apparent that he hasn't grown and that what he was is what he is and that has all become far more visible since the need for him to step up has grown. parenthood reveals a lot us.

a lot about us that should have read sorry. as in one of life's challenges that require a lot of us and can show the measure of someone.

The book might help but TBh my money is on him being a selfish arse.

My DH has Aspergers tendencies but when his lack of communication ( not lack of feeling) is pointed out to him he is mortified.

Your DH seems not bothered, defensive and looking to pick a row over it.

Thank you.

amelia, is it possible to go and see a counsellor to discuss if your H has AS? I had counselling for a bit and one of the thing my counsellor said is that she didn't want to do a 'trial' of H wo him being there to defend himself iyswim?

yes, of course- I have never heard of a counsellor saying what that one did. How odd! many people in relationships go to talk about their OH without them being there- in fact most people probably do!

My counsellor had some interest in Aspergers though I didn't know this before and when I brought it up she said she was going to suggest it anyway herself.

No counsellor should diagnose it-but you might find it helpful to talk anyway.

Well we did talk about H, a lot, lol.
But always on how he acted had some influence on me, how hurtful it could be rather than him as such.
She did say he is was PA when I said that I though his behaviour was PA though.