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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel so angry... and insulted

11 replies

Nic04 · 14/01/2006 07:45

I am just getting this off my chest. I met a friend a few years ago at a mother/toddler group (I'll call her X) and we usually keep in fairly regular contact, although our kids are now at different schools. We try to get together at least every 4-6 weeks, and usually we try to get together with another couple of mums who we met at the same group.

Anyway she's been saying to me for the past month that she wants to get-together soon, and she asked me to keep a particular week in January free so that we could organise something. She's also emailed me a couple of times in between to make sure that I was still available for that week, and I've told that it's fine & just to let me know which day is best for her. So then for some reason she didn't contact me at all - even though she knew I was still waiting for her to confirm a date, which is now next week. I was thinking it was a bit strange that I hadn't heard from her when a mutual friend phoned me yesterday and said she had been speaking to X, who told her that she 'already has plans' for the entire week that we were supposed to be getting together, so she wouldn't be seeing me. Funny that - I wonder why she hadn't bothered to tell ME, specifically when I had told her I'd to keep myself free that week. Then I decided to contact her and said 'Heard that you're really busy and won't be able to meet up next week after all' and she actually said that she would be busy 'catching up with other people' (or something similar) that week and had no free time left at all. I just wonder when she was planning to tell me about it. Talk about feeling like second-best, I am just so annoyed (and hurt). I feel as though she couldn't be bothered to stick to our plans when something 'better' obviously came up - and the worst bit is that she didn't even try to let me know. Great friend huh.

OP posts:
Auntymandy · 14/01/2006 07:48

not suprised you are annoyed.
Just meet up with the others from now on!!

Nic04 · 14/01/2006 08:38

I just wonder exactly how wimpy/uninteresting she thinks I am, if she thinks she can do something like this and it won't matter. I wouldn't dream of doing what she just did. Maybe I am just not that high up on her list of 'valued people to keep in contact with'. Sorry if I sound incredibly cynical but I am just tired of the way some people feel they can treat others. Maybe I should become a hard b*tch...

OP posts:
Groggymama · 14/01/2006 08:57

its funny that she made so much fuss about you keeping that week free, she sounds sad and desperate to me, some people can't stand their own company and she probably can't stand hers!

Nic04 · 14/01/2006 10:21

Another friend I was supposed to be seeing tonight has just rung to cancel.

I'm not having a good week, am I....

OP posts:
mandieb · 14/01/2006 11:51

you know wht you have to do ,dont bother with her anymore

Nic04 · 14/01/2006 12:43

I know mandieb I feel really low about this though because I didn't think she was that kind of person at all.

Funny you say that too Groggymama, she does actually like to keep busy all the time - I've noticed that she likes to have something planned all the time & doesn't seem to like being at home. So maybe she really doesn't like her own company that much. But why she has to treat someone else this way is beyond me!

Has anyone else experienced someone like this? I'm starting to wonder whether it's me (being too easy going) or her (being too self centred). Perhaps because I'm not very confrontational, she thinks she can get away with it... I don't know.

OP posts:
winnie · 14/01/2006 12:56

Nic04, I am sorry that your "friend" has treated you so badly. It is so hurtful and nothing will explain it to you. I have always found it extremely difficult to deal with hurtful behaviour from friends because for some reason it is not supposed to hurt or effect one that much

no real advice I am afraid as cutting all ties is easier said than done. However, you now know what she is capable of so in future you with at least be aware of the possibility of how she can behave.

If this friendship means a lot to you it would be worth trying to talk to friend and tell her how you feel but it is very difficult especially as you must feel that her feelings of friendship are so very different from yours.

Take care, winnie

LoveMyGirls · 14/01/2006 17:24

if you dont want to cut ties just treat her the way she treats you, not all the time just once so she knows how it feels and if she says anything just say well now you know how i felt/ feel, maybe she wont do it again and will apologise for being so slack?

glitterfairy · 14/01/2006 18:18

I dont agree at all Nic. Dont let her turn you into one of her. You are nice and kind that is not an excuse to feel bad or think you need to toughen up. People will like you because you are not like this. Put it behind you, forgive her and jsut be clear that you wont be treated like that again when you next speak to her.

stitch · 14/01/2006 18:28

stop wasting your emotions on her. she's not worth it.

LoveMyGirls · 14/01/2006 18:44

yeah the others are right dont be dragged to her level i was just being stuuuupid!

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