I worry that I'm incapable of falling in love

[Franziska]

I'm approaching 32, and I have had a number of relationships (not hundreds but probably around 5 or so), but I worry that I'm incapable of really falling in love. Another relationship has ended, and I was quite happy to go back to my place, watch Sherlock and read a book. I'll miss my ex-P, but I won't be weeping into my wine glass tonight.

Most of my friends are married and in long-term partnerships, and I worry that I keep on following a pattern. Am I expecting too much? Is love just that rare that most don't experience it? Have I just not met the right man?

I'm in a relationship and I think that sometimes too. I've had similar experiences being in relationships that don't work out, mainly because I end them. If I'm honest I think if I find the right man, I'll know and everything will be great between us but the more failed relationships I have the more I think this is just fantasy. I thought I was really in love once and he didn't feel the same way...I guess I wonder whether that was really love or just some kind of infatuation. I'm in a similar position, a bit older, but all my friends are happily married and when I see them together, I don't feel I have with my boyfriend what they have but perhaps that's all smoke and mirrors, not what goes on behind closed doors etc.

I'm really trying to put lots of effort in my current relationship in the hope that this will become something worth holding onto as I don't want to keep repeating this pattern. I'm happy on my own too but I want children would really love a loving, stable environment to bring them up in.

Sorry, can't really offer you advice, just want to see what others say.

In my experience of my six post-18 relationships, I've ended five of them and I'm seeing a pattern.

I would say that in my case, I have a tendency to view (most) of my friends' relationships in a kind of "I wonder how she puts up with that, when are the scales going to fall?" kind of way (that sounds terrible I know), and think that only a small number of my friend are in really good relationships.

Ha, you sound like me! I think you have to ask yourself, what is the problem here? If you generally have an interesting single life with nice friends etc then why worry about finding the One? As you say, quite a lot of people are in disappointing relationships, being coupled up is not the be all and end all of life (though popular culture tries to suggest it is - and early 30s is the classic age when everyone in sight seems to be pairing up).

Also might be worth thinking about your parents' relationship and what you learnt from it. I suspect my parents' adequate but unexciting marriage is part of the reason I'm not thrilled by the idea of long-term monogamous relationships.

I definitely think my parents relationship is a problem. They are completely in love and besotted with one another! I once asked my Mum when she knew marrying my Dad was a good idea and she said she 'just knew'...arrghh. She was only 23! She did also say that the first year of marriage was awful because they hadn't lived together before but she never considered leaving him. I consider leaving my boyfriend all the time - no because he's not a decent chap, but because I just don't know.

Franzicka - I also wonder that with friends but then I think but he/she's happy and content with that..I wouldn't want their relationship, but want to feel that I'm totally committed to one man.