How did YOU leave your DP/DH ?

[lemonbonbons]

Think our relationship may be over. Could you tell me how you got rid ? I have been thinking bout this for a few years - but when we have had rows in the past he had refused to leave.

What did you do ? And what happened next ?

How does a divorce work ? Can I have the house ( I can afford it , but he cannot and deposit was all mine ) ? How do you get him to go ?

Should have said we are married and have two young DD s. Just interested how others got out of it ? Feel fine about living with girls on my own

"got rid" You sound like you're trying to evict a lodger, not your husband and the father of your children!

Why do you think the relationship is over? Have you talked to him about how you feel?

Presumably you loved this man at some point, don't you think you owe it to him to discuss whatever problems you are having?

You may "feel fine about living with girls on my own" but you're not the only one involved in this. Don't your husband and DD's deserve to have their feelings taken into account too?

And why are you assuming that you should keep the house and the children? He has as much right to them as you do.

I'm not saying you should stay together, but you can't expect him to just disappear because you want him to!

I feel it's been over for about 18 months now. Yes I have spoke to him about this and he knows I'd be happy to be on my own , but he just says he is not going anywhere. I have no family here to move in with , he has lots , I have a ok income he hardly works so couldn't in anyway afford the house alone, so I feel he has to go.

You hit the nail on the head with the term lodger , that's what it feels like. We have grown apart , I just don t feel like he is my husband, just someone who is here. The only thing we seem to have in common is the kids.
It all kinda hit home on NYE when his last words to me before bed was I was a 'f- ing fat c@*t' - I would just ignore him - but he said exactly the same thing the previous year. He is very highly strung and has got to the point I have thought he would hit me after pushing, hair pulling,throwing glasses etc. I can still see us being in same situation next year if I don t try to do something , I just feel bored of our relationship now. I can relate to the mner who the other day said she was embarrassed by her husband - I don t get excited when he walks in the room , just a bit cringy. I look at couples on fb and things and realise we would never have are photo taken together or write about each other. I feel like 2 separate people rather than a couple.

Just wondered how others have managed to split up ? And what happens next iyswim.

I saved up the deposit for a private rental and ran like the wind soon as I could. Dec 2007 and it was the best decision ever.

It does sound like in your case though he should be the one to go.

Is his name on the tenancy/mortgage?

Your latest post has changed my opinion completely, I'm sorry if I came across as a bit harsh.

If he is abusive there is nothing left to discuss, he has no right to treat you that way, you deserve better.

I'd suggest giving Women's Aid a ring, hopefully they will be able to explain what your options are.

I called mine, asked if there was something he wanted to tell me and he lied and lied even though i had absolute proof (for the 7th time) he had cheated. I told him he had to collect his things after work and he said no. I then told him if he didnt id call his dad and tell him to collect them and tell him why. He collected his stuff and even to this day his family still think it was my fault the marriage ended not that i really care.

Have a look at the Resolution site (sorry, too tired to do a link ) which has lots of good info to talk you through the divorce process and give you some idea of what you might be entitled to. This is a good start to help you plan before you consult a solicitor. I was scared too, but the actual divorce is being relatively straightforward. Kids are grown, so no contact or child support issues here, so can't help regarding that part - but there are lots of people here who can advise.

Call Women's Aid for advice.

Accept that you may have to be the one to leave, as you can't make him leave, any more than you can make him stop calling you names and physically intimidating you.

Thank you for your replies - going to do a bit of research & make a few phone calls before I jump in with two feet.

I may be back x ( here that is )

Oh god, he is horrible. A cocklodger, if ever there was one.

I hope you do end the relationship - it would be lovely for you to be free of him.