when people say about putting family first... who do you count in this phrase

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

is it you, Dh/p and kids? or wider than that?

Would depend on the context, but mainly I would consider it to mean DH and our children. They are 'my family' first and foremost.

My parents, my brother and his family along with DD (always first) and me. Her father and I are not together but I would still include him in this. For now.

if you were talking about taking a job and moving house?

mainly us. DP and dc. But wider family above general population.

those people who are related to me who I love (but not those who are related to me that I loathe) and those people who are not related to me, but who I love and feel like they are my family.

Within that, there is a hierarchy. My children are at the top. Next is my husband. Then, if I am being honest, it's my sister and neice not my parents, etc etc.

So I'd put my parents first above joe bloggs, but if they did something to my husband or children, they'd be gone. Because my children come above any other person.

x-post. taking a job and moving house?

You do what you've got to do to provide for your children. If other relatives aren't happy with that, well, they are free to pay your mortgage...

DH and DD(s) and parents as far as moving house is concerned. Other circumstances would include siblings and nieces/nephews.

Immediate family only re job/moving house - in my case, DD only.

dds and dp

Dcs and Dh followed by my brother, nieces and nephews. Those are the people I'd do anything for. My parents can reap what they have sown as far as I am concerned.

Me and my kids.

DH and stepsons are my family. Then ever widening circles.

I saw a counsellor regarding my MIL and she said it was important to decide on your core. I went home and told DH that I needed it to be me and him first and that while hugely important, his mum wasn't someone who lived in our house and her views therefore came after our own.

I bend over backwards for my MIL but I'm the uncontested alpha female in this house. She comes here as our guest and has accepted that while we welcome her thoughts, just because she says something doesn't mean we're going to do it.

Prior to this I was much more friendly and inclusive!

Me dh and my kids.

Anyone else is second fiddle. When i married dh he became my family. Whilst i love my parents and brother and in laws too, they rank much much lower.

DH and ds. No one else would matter in house and job

DC then DH, then my parents and siblings, then DH's, then distant relatives, then the rest.

Allowing for special circumstances - I did abandon poorly DH to travel halfway across the country to look after poorly DM. She was partially disabled by her illness, had no-one else and is in a fragile mental state, whilst DH was still mobile and had more of a support network. Did discuss this with him first, though, so he knew he was still my overall priority.

Depends who needs you! If you have a relative (parents etc) that need you to care for them, then you'd have to take that into account.

Children, dp and anyone else in the family who needs me. For example, when my mum was old and frail she came higher up my priorities than my perfectly capable dp, and actually , sometimes higher than my capable, older than toddler children. MIL is sometimes very unwell, and I would then expect dp to put her before dcs and me. And when she becomes old and frail ditto.

Generally too, the convenience of adults takes priority over the convenience of children. But I'm old fashioned like that.

First, DD as she relies on me to always put her first, (still a baby) and DH, the three (soon to be 4) of us as a unit.

Then my parents and sister, his mother and brothers.

To me, a healthy family setup means that it is not always the same person who gets prioritised; a lot of it is about who needs help most at the time. Sometimes it will be the children (more often when they are tiny), sometimes me, sometimes dh, sometimes some other relative or friend.
If my mother falls ill she would take priority over dh for that particular situation. My dcs are disabled but less so than MIL, so I expect them to sacrifice their convenience to visit her. But I would give up the comfy seat in the car to dd because she is disabled and in pain, and I am not.

My husband and son.

Funny, to me that would mean anyone but me.

DH and DS. Parents and DB (and PIL and BIL) come second. DH and DS are always my priority.

You're going to have to tell us what's going on now...

myself, husband and my MIL.

Our kids are all adults with lives and children of their own, my MIL is elderly and not in good health and we are her only family.

We would love to move abroad, but we put MIL first over that.