Feel trapped in the life I chose

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DH along with his Dad runs and manages the family farm (he has a sister that deals with the finance side of the business) And with his parents slowly not being so involved with day to day running over the last year DH has taken more on.

I am a city girl (we met though his sister who I went to uni with) and I went into the relationship knowing that one day he would actually run the farm and that from the off we would live near/on farm.

We specifically chose my job in a major town 2 hrs away so I could get my city hit - even though I could get a job far far closer. I also do bits around farm obviously but with a full time job and travel there isn't a lot of time

I'm now 7mnths pg with our first DC. And mat leave is creeping up on me and I'll be here in the country and the farm all the time with a new baby. And I know that I wont want to do a 4 hr round trip when I go back to work.

I know that farming life is what I signed up for when we got together and he and his family have been so accommodating about me being a complete fish out of water. But I can see myself becoming a definite farmers wife - doing far more around farm and the business, my city job taking a back burner.

I don't know - I just feel all trapped by it all. Like it has all rushed on me at once.

Why are you trapped? If you have decided that you don't want to do the travelling then that will be your choice, one you could easily reverse? You're only trapped if you have no choices... Are you completely opposed to farming life? Can you decide how much involvement you would like to have will the farm?

You sound a bit overwhelmed, it is hard trying to arrange your ducks as it were, so you have my sympathy. However, I guess that your life is about to change in a big way, so maybe don't panic too much at the moment. You might find the life of a farmer's wife suits you - you could give it a try. If you don't like it, change it again. Or perhaps have a deal that for the time being it will be time to prioritise their business with an understanding of reclaiming yours at some point in the future, or consider going part time when your maternity leave is finished. You have many options - though it is hard, I know (easy to advise other people, less easy to take your own advice). I know lots of people hanker after being a country mouse - I ain't one of them - I need a Starbucks, a mobile phone mast and hustle and bustle, I'm definitely a city girl like you so I do see where you are coming from.

What is your job? Would you feel happy doing some of it at home, then you could keep the city side if things, say, three days a week and not commute on the other days. Also, just give it a go and see how you get on. When you have the whole new aspect of a baby different things become more/less important And you might find your feelings change. For the first couple of months after having the baby, you'll probably be content just to find your feet and concentrate on him/her.

Many people who live on the outskirts of London do a 2 hr commute each way. Some of them also have babies. This IS an option if you really want it to be, or possibly work 3 or 4 days a week?

Life with children is full of compromises. I get what you are saying about feeling its all crept up on you but you would quite likely feel that way taking maternity leave wherever you lived. Its a huge transition to motherhood so maybe its this more than the farm issues which are bothering you.

Otherwise you are a leetle bit in danger of appearing ever so slightly spoilt. I would look on this as an adventure, first motherhood and later the farm is something you may or may not try out for size. You may even find your own niche at the farm, maybe on the business side. If you really can't stand it, I'm sure you and your DH will work out some sort of compromise as to your own eventual role.

I couldn't work from home in my current job but could work from home in a different job (but same career if that makes sense - would mean a slight change in direction)
I could easily do more on the business side of farm (I do some now but not ft job amount) but part of me wants to keep the job (not just for a career and a city hit) but even thugh we can live of farm and it's income - it is obviously variable and if teh worse was to happen we would have a very good fall back and also means we have a good pot of savings - I like the stability of that.

I suppose you are right - that it has crept up on me and overwhelmed me slightly.
And also that maybe I should let it settle - have DC the see where I am.

But I do know that if I was on the farm I would expected to do far more than I do now - and rightly so it is my livelihood as well, I am part of the family - and logically have no problem with that.
I just don't think I am ready to change from being a wife of a farmer to a farmers wife just yet.

Thanks.

I do believe that more people who live in the city buy country living magazine than those that actually live in the country.

Once you have had the DC I reckon your whole perception will change. I came to London at 19, still live here now but, post DCs am angling to move out in the next couple of years.

OP, I completely understand what you are going through, except I don't have a 2 hour commute to a city job, IYSWIM.

I'm married to a farmer, over the last 2 years DH and I have had to sort out the business, which was a mess, no thanks to his fucking cunt arsehole of a deadbeat older brothers poor farm management, so that his parents could retire. (DH was working with his dad). I had to take more of a role within the farm to enable it to survive - which, as well as the admin, at one point also included milking 90 cows twice a day and various other physical tasks.

I'm also now 25 weeks pg with our first child. I'm a teacher by profession who has spent my life in the city and have gradually taken on more of the "farmers wife" role, rather than "wife of a farmer" (totally get that BTW!).

Ways around it for me, so far, has been to take on the main admin role and financial management of the farm, as well as to find stuff that I enjoy for me, that can tie in with the farm. e.g. I have a couple of horses and this years project is to get one of them in foal, as well as bringing on a 2 year old (horse). I also make a point of getting out and doing "normal" stuff. I make a point of meeting friends for lunch away from the farm fairly regularly, I go to a couple of exercise classes and I also have a part time job a couple of hours a week, that is totally non-farm related, but related to my teaching skills, just to get out and meet people.

On that note - job outside the farm, if you "can" work from home, in your field, it will keep your sanity.

Also - just a handy hint that I've found useful - if you can afford it and DH is amiable - get a cleaner. It takes some of the "druggery" out of the farm, IYSWIM - i.e. it's one less "domestic" job you have to do.