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Original poster

husband secret eating

39 replies

emuloc · 03/01/2012 11:57

I just found out this morning that my husband is a secret eater. He is very overweight and despite me making it clear that I felt he should lose weight for health, personal reasons he has just always fobbed me off, saying he is going to the gym, not eating anything apart from a bagel at work and dinner at home. I had my doubts and confronted him about possible secret eating whic h he denied. But I was told this morning by some one that he was seen everymorning eating chocolate in the street when he bought the morning paper. My trust in him is gone. He is not taking a blind bit of notice of what I am saying. I am fed up of having a fat husband who does not care how he looks. I just want him to lose weight and be healthy, I dont know where we go from here. Please does anybody have any advice. Thank you.

OP posts:
countingto10 · 03/01/2012 16:33

I think the problem is when you live with someone who is very overweight then it does tend to effect the whole family eg my DH would not go swimming as he hated the way he looked, he couldn't play football with the DC for longer than 10 mins without needing a rest, couldn't buy clothes in mainstream shops and getting depressed about it etc, blood pressure so high that the anesethetist (sp?) when having his tooth extracted under general "joked" that he wouldn't make "old bones" Hmm - DH laughed it off at the time Sad.

As I said DH's overeating was linked to many issues (most dating back to childhood (was also an overweight kid), very low self esteem so that he actively sabotaged himself with his overeating, his mother showed her love with food etc, etc. The counselling helped him sort his head out, worked on many issues including anger, stress, low self esteem etc. He says he could not have lost the weight without it, the counselling made him feel so much better about himself and his life that he wanted to lose the weight and felt in a position to be able to do it and succeed. He also needed the help of the gym and their nutrition/exercise program. He also said it was amazing to hear the excuses everyone had for not losing weight, the food costs too much, it's easier for a man to lose weight than a woman (err no, he followed the diet and exercise plan to the letter), I had a party to go to and you've got to let yourself go a bit haven't you etc, etc. He said it was an eye opener to him as he admitted he found every excuse in the book not to lose weight before.

Does your DH actually want to lose weight ? Mine did as he and I both knew he was very unhappy about his weight but he seemed incapable of doing anything about it IYSWIM.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/01/2012 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HedgeHop · 03/01/2012 16:37

Why, though, fish? I can't be objective about this because I was a fat kid, taken to weight watchers when I was 6 by my mum. I think it's a very complicated thing.

JackMatthias · 03/01/2012 16:56

No, but, in the words of Willie Carson, "It's the way you tell 'em"

Chandon · 03/01/2012 18:43

I say "leave him alone" as I think it is every individual's responsibility to look after themselves.

If he were to ask " Please can you help me lose weight" then great, do help him.

If however he chooses to eat junk and be fat, that is HIS choice. Not a great one, not one I'd choose for myself. But it is everybody's own choice and responsibility to be fat or not.

Unless you're paul mckenna Wink, you can't make someone else slim

baubleybobbityhat · 03/01/2012 18:47

"No, but, in the words of Willie Carson, "It's the way you tell 'em"

Sorry but I did a quick lol at that Grin. I think you mean Frank Carson? Willie Carson was a jockey last time I looked.

solidgoldbrass · 03/01/2012 22:01

It's still not up to you to manage HIS body. It will not do your couple-relationship any good at all to set yourself up as in charge of his diet against his wishes. You are not his boss. You are not his owner. By the sound of it he doesn't want to lose weight, so leave him alone.

FionaBruise · 03/01/2012 22:36

Agree with Solid.

Eating disorders can often be about a person trying to gain back some sense of control where they've lost it in some other area of their life.

The Neighbourhood Chocolate Watch isn't going to help him at all. How humiliating.

I know its probably really hard to see him self-destructing but I think the best thing you can do is both work on your communication to make sure he feels listened to and not judged or lectured.

Kim1010 · 19/02/2018 13:56

Hi,
Just seen this old thread. My other half is doing the same besides being under the dr for weight lose attending meetings at clinics regarding weight loss etc he is hiding food, chocolate biscuits pies, including pork pies, sweets etc he looks horrible and can barely walk now, he wobbles along I'm disgusted looking at him,.. he pretends his weight is going down but it's not! The last hidden weight paper said 26 stone ,.. I'm fed up with the lies, feels like it's just a waste of my life now too all he talks about is the next meal ,.. What would you do? As I feel like leaving him ,..

Noclue123 · 19/02/2018 14:30

He has to want to lose weight. If you push him he will keep hiding food. Im not over weight but i am a secret eater. Im not stick thin either though. I have my own issues with food. Please dont push him to diet or he will get an even more unhealthy relatuonship with food. He may start eating as much as he can outside as he cant eat it in front of you which could mean eating even more than he did before! Have an adult conversation tigether nicely advising of his health do not say you dont want a fat husband! My husband doesnt know i eat in secret! I am not in the right place for that yet but when i do tell him he will help me not make me feel stupid or worse! I have only just started admitting this problem to myself

Noclue123 · 19/02/2018 14:30

Omg zombie. Thread. Sorry

Kim1010 · 19/02/2018 16:05

Thanks. I don't push him, he still eats large meals I try to make them healthy as poss but if he wants chips he has them. His not going hungry that's why this hiding food makes me mad. If I say anything he sulks and doesn't speak for days, so can't discuss anything, our teenage son is getting embarrassed going out with him now, and starts to see him as a joke the respect has gone ... at this rate I will be his care assistant rather than a partner, it's getting me down ,.. dr said he now has sugar problems starting, and his heart is under pressure ,.all self inflicted, that doesn't help,.. anyway thanks xx

Kim1010 · 19/02/2018 16:06

What's Zombie thread ? Lol x

Kim1010 · 19/02/2018 16:17

Also, he daily makes us miserable complains about his weight and looks, I've tried cutting down with him, and never have sweets etc that's what gets me, to see me going without and his having it all in secret find it unkind, ..he also needs a leg operation but has to lose two stone before they will do it,.. sorry to rant over .x

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