Delicate questions about oral sex

[AICM]

I want to ask my friends these questions but just can't so I'm hoping to get honest answer from some of you!

How many women do give their DHs oral and how many say no? Is it OK for me to say no or am I being unfair to him? I need a different perspective to my own. I really don't want to , he's put me under no pressure to but I know he would like me to. Two friends were talking about this the other day and it seemed like their DH's cock was never out of their mouth! They're decent woman not sluts and it makes me worry I'm not being fair. Is it OK to ask him to wear a condom while I do if?

Why would you be a slut to give your own dh a bj I think it is something most couples do regularly in their relationships really. Why dont you want to do it?

No one has to do anything sexually within a relationship. The point of sex (other than procreation) is for two people to do something mutually enjoyable.

But, if you deny him oral, then are you happy with him never going down on you? I think the thing is to talk to him honestly about it. If you really hate it, I am sure he won't want you to do it and there are thousands of other ways of pleasing him. On the other hand, if you just can't be bothered, it seems a little selfish and restrictive.

I think the whole "slut"/decent woman thing is a little strange. "Slut" is quite a horrid and misogynistic term and, in any event, if someone is with one partner, then I don't think anything that they do sexually can be bad, as long as they are both enjoying it.

I don't like doing it and my dp understands this. Why partake in an activity u do not enjoy? If u do it to keep him 'happy' you will end up resenting it. There is such a thing as free choice. Each to their own I say. Some like dtd in a particular position, others are into fetishes. Do what you both enjoy, not what you think the rest of the population are upto between the sheets!

I'm not very keen on oral sex personally. I don't really like giving it for more than a couple of minutes because I find I get really bored, and I don't like getting it because I find it much too intense. Luckily dh seems to have fairly similar feelings, so we do other things instead.

I don't think that you should do anything sexually that you don't want to, but it's worth exploring what bothers you about it. Is it the smell, the taste, the feel, a worry about gagging, the idea that he might come in your mouth, or perhaps do you think it's not something that you should enjoy doing?

I love oral sex, the giving & receiving. Pleasuring each other is such a significant part of our sex life. I like it because I know I'm doing something for him that he loves, and it makes me feel very much in control.

I do it because I want to. If it was because I felt I had to, I'd run a mile.

I am happy to give my DP oral sex, however, he has issues with regards to insecurities so is reluctant to let me just 'dive right in' so to speak. He has let me, and he has enjoyed it, but I could never just do it on the spur of the moment because he gets jumpy.

He adores giving me oral, and I adore giving him pleasure in anyway that is comfortable to him.

You need to communicate with your DH, discuss it with him, get it out in the open.

If yo don't want to you mustn't do it, but labeling people as 'sluts' is a bit harsh, it is, for some people, including myself and DP a very enjoyable thing and the only way for me to reach orgasm with him. Though I sometimes can't be bothered to do it to him, when I do, it turns me on that he is getting so much pleasure out of it.

If you're not comfortable doing it then of course it's ok to say no. If it's the taste/not wanting to swallow, have you thought about using flavoured condoms? Durex do all sorts and they're actually quite nice

what's your attitude to sex generally? Is it something you regard as "dirty" ? I may be barking up the wrong tree, but it's the way you define certain sexual behaviour as being practised either by "sluts" or "decent" women that shows an unhealthy attitude to sex.

If you'd said you simply didn't like the taste, or smell, or whatever, that's one thing- but defining oral sex as some kind of moral or immoral behaviour is another.

You shouldn't do anything you don't enjoy- but I think you need to be open with us/yourself about why you don't want to.

If it's something deeper than just not liking the taste etc , and you have issues with sex per se, then maybe talking to a sex therapist or counsellor would help.

What is it about oral sex exactly that you don't like op?

When I was younger, the thought would make me gag. Because of my assumptions of what was expected of me. But I realised they were what i was expecting of me that was making me feel uncomfortable, not what dh was expecting of me. To clarify: my assumption of oral sex was for him to cum in my mouth, I find the idea repulsive, in reality, he's quite happy for me to orally please him, but not cum in my mouth. Also, more than an inch or so and I gag, my assumption again, that I had to take him fully in my mouth. He was not! He is equally satisfied with me licking, sucking, kissing, using my hands too. And lick off substances give it a delicious taste! I really enjoy giving him oral now, and get as much pleasure out of it as he does. He doesn't expect me to behave like a porn star, when I'm doing it, because. A) that is not real life. B) I would be uncomfortable with it. C) I am his wife and he wouldn't want me doing something I was unhappy to do.
Have a chat with your other half and talk about yours and his expectations. You may be surprised. If, this is still something that you don't want to do, then don't do it, simple. :)

Like everyone else has said, you don't have to do anything you don't want, sexually. But it is worth thinking through why you don't want to do something if it's something that quite a lot of people do safely and enjoy, and that your partner would like. If after thinking it through the answer is still 'eek yuch argh NO!' then fair enough.

I agree with hippysair in that there's a big difference between having a whole cock in your mouth and gagging like on some porn films and slowly licking, kissing, stroking and exploring. You also don't have to keep at it from start to finish, as it were. However, if you don't feel happy with it, DON'T do it. I'm very pleased you are not feeling any pressure from your DH.
Oh, and performing oral sex in either way that I have described does not make you a 'slut'. Neither does enjoying any type of sex imho.

It's always been part of our bedroom activities. We've always done it without a condom, but recently we bought some flavoured ones by Durex and put them on for a laugh just to see what it was like. It tasted ok and my DH said it felt fine too. So perhaps you could try them if you don't want total contact with your mouth. We also like flavoured lubes, they taste just fine and give something 'extra' to lick and help with gliding hand movements too.

Agree with others, that it's not slutty - but don't do it if you are not comfortable.

christ almighty, some of you take oversharing to a whole new level !

there is more to this, isn't there, OP ?

Thank you for your comments. Sorry about the word slut I didn't pick that very carefully. Yes there is more to this. I do have issues with sex but I am trying to work through them.

I agree with others that your choice of the word "slut" is very telling. Who exactly would you define as a slut?

I hate oral sex, both giving and receiving so we never do it. DH would like to do it but he knows I don't like it so he never even mentions it. It's totally your choice about what you want to do.

I think you might benefit from some psycho-sexual counselling AICM, it does sound like you have a few issues if you think that "decent" married women don't really like or enjoy sex and are passive receivers and not active givers and initiators. Your views about sex are pretty unhealthy and you are denying yourself and your H a great sex life, but that can be changed with some effort, if you want to.

I had forgotten the other thread. OP, you do need some sort of psychosexual counselling. I am no longer sure if you are actually telling the truth or if you are someone with fantasies that are making you a bit uncomfortable, but your attitude towards sex is distorted.

I would say almost all women would give oral sex to the DH ( based on conversations I have had with my friends ). Where it varies massively is how many let DH cum in the mouth and how many swallow because those acts need more teolerance levels.

Obviously no one should do anything they really dislike sexually, BUT i personally wouldn't be with someone who didn't do oral. It implies to me that they find the body parts, fluids, actions, dirty and i like a good filthy squiggle with someone who wants to know all the intimate parts of me, just as i do them.

It is something me and every female friend i know/have had do regularly.I know those who don't like to do it to fruition, but they do it for a small part of foreplay.

I echo all the advice for counselling. I think you feel very uncomfortable around sexual issues (ahem) and both you and your partner would benefit from you feeling safe, secure and confident with sexual matters. I can appreciate sexual difficulties, since I am a survivor and have PTSD relating to certain acts/situations, so I really recommend counselling.