Baby due in March. Husband left 4 months ago, now divorcing. What rights will he have over child when born?

[biyboo]

Am worried at what he may do to take child away from me. He has not asked about the child and is refusing to pay anything for me and child while putting me through divorce while aI am pregnant. Is still abusive in tone and manner and I can not have any contact with him now unless through lawyer. Baby due in March and I am worried and not sure how much access this weirdo/angry man will be able to get.

Biyboo I'm so sorry this is happening to you, he sounds deeply unpleasant and you are likely better off without him anywhere near you.

I'm no expert but hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along soon, FWIW I can see no earthly reason why he would be able to take your cild away from what you've put here. what makes you think he could/would?

Biyboo, I was thinking about you today and thinking I should text you (have namechanged, by the way - PM me if not sure who I am). How are you? Can CAB or Women's Aid advise you on this?

He will have joint pr but you can apply for a residency order if it makes you feel happier.To be honest he doesnt sound as if he will be interested enough to try and take the baby.Keep records of any unpleasant behaviour and ask your solicitor about the r.o. You could even conytact your local dv unit to discuss his abusive behaviour,its good to have a record of it and they can advise and support you. Best of luck.I had ds2 as a single Mum and he was my easiest baby.

I would imagine that a court would be unwilling to grant him a lot of access if you were breast feeding. Is that something you are thinking of doing?

Hi biyboo, you might want to post on legal as well, there are some very helpful family lawyers who post there.

I have to disagree with ledkr (assuming you are in England) if he is married to you at the time of the birth, he would automatically have parental responsibility, but if you are not married by then, it's not automatic.

So sorry about all this, OP. Feel for you.

He can't not pay child support - it's a legal requirement. But he might try and make you jump through hoops to get it.

Child support is entirely separate from contact, whether your Ex likes it or not. More fool him if he thinks that they are related.

As for contact, he does have rights but these do not trump yours and they most certainly don't trump the rights of the baby to a secure and safe environment - the baby's rights come first in law as well as morally; but you can find greater comfort as other have said through contacting the amazing people at your DV unit and WA.

if he isnt named on the birth cert then he will not have p.r however that is pretty easy to gain through the court. Keep a record of abusive behaviour (it helps, ive been there) and speak to a solicitor. I am a lone parent with an abusive ex and I have been through the court process and your ex would get to have contact with the baby. It could be supervised at first though.

sparks I never thought of that.I guess it depends upon the length of time the divorce takes.If you get divorced after the birth he will continue to have joint pr with you so it maybe worth hurrying it through quicker if poss.

I agree don't put him on the birth certificate - if he's not allowed contact with you then he won't be able to be on it anyway. This means that he does not have parental responsibility, although as MisPP says he could gain this easily, but it puts the onus on him then if that makes sense?

Ah oops I forgot the father gets automatic PR if you are married, sorry.

He can say he does not believe the child is his, and then somewhere along the line there will have to be a paternity test, until there is proof he is the father he won't be obligated to pay anything, however once proof has been got I believe any maintenance will be backdated.

Will he come with you to register the birth?Or are you leaving the birth certificate blank and having unknown?

Baby is defo his and H knows this. He is still playing games with maintenance and still abusive to me. I have told him via e mail to that until he behaves like a man and talks to me with repect, pays maintenance regularly then never to call me, he did not like me standing up to him but that is his nature. When we got married we were given john lewis vouchers. Isaw none of them and he has returned my half share and keeps getting his lawyer to send me letters repeatedly saying that this is a goodwill gesture on his part. I am worried that he is only working on greed and anger and is happy to give his money to lawyer.
I am worried as I want him to go to anger managment so he does not emotionally hurt child or me,he is not normal. Since his leaving he has got more nasty and twisted and I did not think he was as capable of such appaling behaviour. My lawyers are really disgusted by him.

Will it work in my favour that he abandoned me and unborn child and left us with no money even though he earns a reasonable wage that could easily support three of us but is still giving nothing?

Its difficult but maintenance would be for the baby not you so if the baby isn't here yet then I doubt he would have to pay anything until the dc is born. I don't think that it matters in regards to his contact with the baby that he abandoned you (obviously matters to you i mean in a legal sense) my ex did that and didnt bother with dd for a year!and still he can swan in and out of dds life when he wants!

The child will be entitled to financial support from her father. However nasty he is, you are an adult and not necessarily entitled to anything.
It sounds like he is trying to use the legal system as a(nother) way to control and abuse you. Very wise to have all contact via your lawyers.

I don't care for me but I do want him to pay for the child. I am planning to breast feed. Will he be allowed to take the baby from me at any point?
I am worried that if he becomes abusive to me while I am with baby, where what shall I do?

if he becomes abusive then leave with the baby. That time is to spend with the baby not to abuse you. As the baby gets older then yes he will be able to pick the baby up and spend time with him/her without you.

When the baby is very small he will not be able to take her away from you for long periods - at first it will most likely be supervised contact and/or very short visits, building up to longer periods as she gets older and is more able to be away from you. I don't know how young overnight contact is advised (my ex never asked for it) but if it did get to that it would build up slowly.

With this kind of man you really need to develop coping strategies and learn a bit about his expected behaviour patterns because they can be unpredictable if you're expecting them to act as a reasonable person would - it would be well worth contacting women's aid (they also support women who are being abused by an ex or who are dealing with an ex because there are children involved) - it does not matter whether you used their support during the relationship or not. They may be able to recommend local services as well. Another thing I would strongly recommend whether you go down this route or not is to buy a copy of the book "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry & controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft, read it cover to cover, and keep it for reference. Anger management doesn't work with people like this unfortunately, even if you could persuade him to go.

I don't know how much influence they have but have you made your Midwife, HV and social services aware of your exH's behaviour and that you consider yourself and your child to be at risk?

I'm sure that they will be able to advise you on local support services, and what the procedures are in your local authority (contact centres etc).

bertie my solicitor said that by age 4 it is normal for the nrp to have 2 overnight weekends a month. My ex doesnt want or have overnight contact so not sure if thats the norm.

I don't quite understand what he should be paying maintenance for at the moment, as the baby hasn't been born yet.

When the baby is born he is liable to pay 15% of his net salary.

If you want maintenance for you, you'll have to go to court and apply for ancillary relief. And get the courts to sort the finances out.

Age 4 doesn't sound too bad. I thought it would be much earlier. DS is 3.3 and I'm only just starting to think he might cope with sleepovers at a relative's house. Obviously it would be different with a parent who they saw regularly and had a good relationship with. DS's dad has contacted/seen him once in the last 8 months, so I'm not sure that applies...

that would obviously be with regular contact. My dd is 2.7 and ex is not very consistent, meant to have her 6 hours a week but doesnt very often!and he has had periods of absense!exs eh?!