DH has such a horrible family - long

[crystaltips]

I won't go into the details - far too boring ( all about family businesses ) really but suffice to say I have not seen my PIL for 18 months ( that's the good news ) .... we don't speak to the BILs and SILS either ( right happy little bunch we are )
DH has 2 brothers who are not really worth much.

SIL had a baby about 3 mths ago - and I found out from one of MILs friends - a bit embarrassing as I don't like to create the impression of family unrest in public.

I - naturally think that DH is right over this bust up .... but have to admit that I am mature enough to realise that the in-laws would not agree and feel that they are in the right and we are in the wrong ... typical catch-22, and somebody has to "back down"...

I decided to bury the hatchett, and contact SIL to congratulate her about the baby.... thoughts of why should the children suffer as they are the innocent parties came to mind.
We all have kids and though the cousins do not see each other I thought this was an ideal opportunity to let bygones be bygones ....

Phoned SIL - and we eventually managed to meet the new arrival for 15 minutes !

Becuase I was on the crest of the wave contacted other SIL and had her kids round to play ... and all the children had a lovely time ....
Dropped off the baby's sister a birthday present for last Saturday ....
SInce then silence ... not a card from any of the ILs for DSs 11 plus and ..... have found out that the baby is being christenend ( before Christmas ) and all the others in the family have been invited - except us .... ( We all live within a 20 mile radius )
SHould I feel cross or releived ...? I just feel that my kids would love to go - especially since we have renewed contact ( well the kids have anyway )
OR ... should I think stuff them and forget it??

I hate family bust-ups. Good on you for trying to make contact though!

Just a thought: is it possible that you are not invited to the Christening because your SIL/BIL think that it would be awkward between you and someone else (not really an excuse as they should have asked how you felt anyway, but a possible reason) ?

Plus I for one wouldn't think of sending a card for an 11 plus. Not that it wouldn't be nice, and it is a big acheivement for him, but I just wouldn't think of it. Not sure that part is a snub.

So, I wouldn't feel cross, no. Would probably verge towards stuff them and forget it, but I think in your shoes I would give the SILs one more try. And then think stuff them and forget it. Does that make sense?

You're like me ... give people the benefit of the doubt ....
You are SO right about the christneing causing problems for us ... mainly PILS ... both alcoholics ... and would be likely to cause a problem on an otherwise happy day .... so that could the SIL's reason ( though BIL would rather see me slow roasted on a spit )

11 plus is taken very seriously ( too seriously over here ) ... so I feel that that IS a snub

You see - that's why I posted ... looking for even handed advice to help me see the wood for the trees ... THANKS !

Agree about the 11plus. It simply wouldn't occur to me to send a card. Or for any exam, come to that. Maybe the Christening was arranged before your recent get together and invites all send out quite a while ago?? I think you are very kind to try to end the feud, and congratulate you on being a better person than your inlaws for doing so, and would say, if you can, keep trying. I would have loved to have cousins I felt close to as a kid. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Or maybe send a nice email or letter just to kick-start communication again. Or send some pictures of the children? I think this may be different to how it seems to you and it is worth carrying on trying to make things better before you give up. Good luck.