Is anyone up? I need to rant a bit...

[WheresMeJumper]

Sorry in advance for the rant....

So today, DP goes out to the pub. Perfectly ok with it, its a long standing tradition. We are pretty broke due to Christmas. He didint have much money with him, maybe 50euros, which wouldnt get you far when you factor in a 15 quid cabb home.

He rang at 6, bit squiffy, we chatted away. The darts were on and I thought he might have stayed out to watch them, sure enough he comes in steaming about 1. I am fine with this till I ask him how he got home.he said he got the last bus which was at 11.00. I sked where he was he said the pub behind us to watch the darts.

Now I freaked out at this. I feel it was selfish of him to choose to go to that pub where he knows no one rather that take the two extra steps home to watch the darts on the channells that are paid for to watch sports on!!!

Bit of background, not to dripfeed, he can be selfish, he looks out for his own intersts, I feel he doesnt do enough, I paid for Christmas as he is out of work I pay all the bills, rent etc. The money he pissed away could have helped here.

I rarely go out, I am not in good health, it takes all of me just to work at this point. I am starting to feel lke a naggy wife. I told him I was fed up of the selfishness, I had given him a warning during the year anymore selfishness with money, we are done, its not fair to DS.

So I told him we are done, he says no, no we are not, kept repeating it. I went to go to bed, I couldnt sleep in the bed as he was pissed, I went to go into DS room and he pushed the door in after me, it banged and woke DS. I went to push the door closed, he put out his foot, I told him repeatedly to move it, he kept saying no louder and louder, DS started to freak out. I told him come down for a chat, we went downstairs,I asked him what he was up to he said he wanted ot talk. I said you are scaring the child, he told me I was. I told him we are done. He agreed to go to bed, then I heard him making sobbing noises in the room, so did DS. I didnt go into the room, just told DS I was in the bed cos my hip was hurting and told him go to sleep.

I am lying here now thinking, is it over? Am I overreacting? One part of me is saying, wake up in the morning, tell him go or go myself. The other half is saying, it was a silly fight. But Im so sick of the selfishness.

It does sound a little bit like your overreacting. You said you was okay with him being out and till that time so why does it matter which pub really? It seems like your ending it for a silly reason but then I don't know what has going on in your relationship, there's obviously more things going on than just this.

It does sound like over reacting? Is the issue him jepordising his safety? Him being at pub when he could have been home? Although if he was with friends would have been ok, but he preferred to be alone then with u? Him wasting money as paid for sports channels?

I don't think it's wise arguing at this time of night. Best leave it till the morning. It's obvious you saying its over is going to cause a reaction in him.

Hi Jumper

To be honest, your DH's behaviour in this instance, in and of itself, doesn't seem so selfish or bad to me. The worst of it is the waking your DS and fighting in front of him, but that sounds like there were two of you in it.

I don't really understand why it would have been okay for him to stay out in town to watch the darts until 1am, but it was terrible of him to stay in your local until the same time, for the same purpose.

But the fact that you're so upset about tonight indicates clearly that this is a 'last straw' kind of scenario, so only you know if you've truly had enough or if you'd feel worse off without him.

Being out of work is really, really tough emotionally, and being in a relationship with someone who's unemployed for a long period of time is equally difficult, in my experience. I do sympathise with your situation. But also with your sobbing DP's :( .

I know this post isn't particularly helpful but wanted you to know that someone was 'listening' at this ungodly hour.

(I love your username)

I think my issue was, he has spent all our money in the pub, he could have come home and saved that money watchig the match here. He got off the bus with the intention of coming home. He made the choice to go into the pub, rather than come home. In the meantime, I didnt have the price of bread today. Its my own fault for saying ok when he mentioned the new years tradition thing.

We rarely fight, certainly never at night, DS has never witnessed it so to me its tmes worse.

Christ Im typing on a phone sorry

So your upset with him spending the money on booze? Well didn't you say you didn't mind him going out? He's not going to take his own drinks to a pub?

Do you involve honk in organising the finances and budgeting etc?

He has very little income, (very small social welfarepayment) so the bit of income I get pays for everything. I feel if I say stay in, I am the nag, if he goes out I resent it, he doesnt make me feel this way. Its all me. I feel I cant say anything I want to. I feel its me that old ill, home alone with the DS while he gets to live it up. Why should I be the responsible one? He is looking for work I cant fault him there but why am I like this?

Im sorry Im rambling

I understand. It does feel like that when your stook in fed up sometimes with no money to do anything . I think you should both be able to go out and have equal social time with the bit that you do have. Could you not perhaps go out another night for a drink with your family or friends?

Sounds like it was the last straw but try and get some rest so you can discuss it all with him tomorrow.

i dont have anyone

If he was watching darts in a teeming and heaving buzzy bar with other devotees I can understand why he wanted to keep the vibe going after he'd torn himself away to get the last bus back - and at least he didn't squander any squidlets on unnecessary cab fare.

I can also sympathise with you; stuck at home for the duration with only a sleeping ds and the box for company.

What I'm wondering is why he's going into town when there is a pub 'behind you' and why you can't both go there on occasion, possibly even with ds at least for the early part of the evening?

I don't know whereabouts in the UK you are, but my various locals have been revelations in terms of getting to know others who live nearby, being able to participate in community events, and gaining access to all trades - plumbers, car mechanics, carpet fitters, decorators; you name it, I've drunk with them and subsequently employed them at mutually advantageous cash in hand rates, and I've made some wonderful female friends in the process.

After you've broken the ice, so to speak, by visiting your local with dp and ds, why not pop over there on your own for a ladies darts evening or similar leaving him at home alone with the box and sleeping ds?

Here's to the Great British Pub Shame there's not a

I can understand why he followed you, as you told him it was over. in an ideal world no one would react angrily or get upset but we all have feelings and emotions and handle things differently we aren't robots. I'm sure he doesn't want to split up from you.

Hi,

I know it's horrible when you have lost contact with friends, I know how you feel. Do you not have any family?

Like others said, this seems to be the last straw and I understand. He has wasted money, presumably ours, by drinking it away. This would annoy me,mthough you did say he could go to the pub. Arguing like that in front of the child was wrong. However, I guess there are many other issues with your DH and this thoughtlessness and selfishness has broken the camels back, so to speak.

I suggest you use this as an opportunity to say you have had enough, he must get a job or contribute somehow, he needs to be nicer etc etc.

Good luck.

New year tradition or not, there is no way I would be happy with my OH going out spending money we didnt have on booze.
You said you didn't have the price of a loaf of bread but he had the money to go out drinking and fares to get there and back,

I'm guessing you he came home earlier with a few ££ left but instead of going home and keeping the money he went on the pub and spent it.

What kind of man puts his pleasure/drinking over feeding his child.
Also he's not wicking do it's not as if he is currently contributing, OP is the only one earning, I know its not "her" money but I think it's hugely selfish of him to take it from the family pot and then throw a strop when called on it.