What good dating websites are out there for 40something love?

[OneLieIn]

Our (man) friend was widowed a while ago and is now looking to get back into the dating game (sounds corny, I don't know my modern speak clearly)

What are the good dating websites out there where he is likely to meet good people? He is heterosexual and has a young son, bright, intellectual and fun.

I was thinking mysinglefriend.com, but what about match.com? Then there is this plenty of fish, but after what some mners have written I am beginning to think that all who are on there are ting cheating toe rags

What would you recommend?

Guardian Soulmates is very good if he's vaguely Guardian-reading type.

Agree about Guardian Soulmates, but I found a lot of the men on there are in / around London - not all, by any means, but a lot.

I found Match.com good, and E-Harmony rubbish. I'd avoid any that are free because they are full of people that aren't serious enough about it to be bothered paying for a decent service.

Dating Direct used to be good, not sure about now. Match.com ok but stay well away from Plenty of Fish!

Match is a good place to start as there is a large volume of singles to help identify what he's looking for OR...

... You could fix him up with a MNer. Where in the country is he?

Try Smooch.com, worked for me:)

Thanks, will take a look and explain to dh just why I want him to look at dating sites (not giving him a hint or anything)

He is in London, not sure about newspapers, would have to check.

Now there's a thought fixing him up with a mner.....

Depends what he wants. Is he looking for a serious commitment or just wants to meet some people and get back into the swing of things? For the later OKCupid is quite good and free. I found Guardian Soulmates not very good as I don't live in the south east.

I also think men do quite well out of Internet dating if they're decent people because there are a lot of rubbish blokes on the sites who just mess about. This should apply to women as well but it doesn't seem to, don't know why.

Help him write his profile and choose pictures if he's happy with that. Most men just sound really boring. And no pictures with his shirt off or standing next to a car or motorbike!

I think he needs to get back into the swing of things... Meet some nice people, have some fun and see where it goes. It will be his first foray into dating since his wife died so will be tough.

Hi,

There is a website called Merry Widow, which is for anyone who has been bereaved. It is not a dating website, but it is good for sharing experiences/feelings, swapping information with people in the same boat but who are at different stages in dealing with their grief.

Just thought I would suggest that. I found it very helpful. It is for general support and back up rather than dating though.

I feel very ambivalent about dating sites for bereaved people - depends how vulnerable you are feeling and where you are. I have found Guardian Soulmates quite good. I think getting out and about and following your interests, so that you meet people anyhow and the focus isn't all on dating, is better in the long run.

Hope it works out for him.

Thanks flicka will take a look at it. The one year anniversary is looming approaching, so I am sure it will be tough.

Will let you know how he gets on. And if there are any mners out there ...

Match.com there is hardly any people on it!

In London he can try any site and be inundated. Don't put income, and be aware that a lot of the guys I have spoken too tell me that the women want to know what they earn, what they drive etc., and are only interested in those who earn above a certain amount. A lot of sites are full of money grabbing men, just as POF is full of men looking for a shag.

Its all pretty much of a muchness, a lot of women won't date a single parent either.

Sorry but some are only in it for what they can get.

Thats money grabbing women.

not good. Is there any you would recommend? Do money grabbers read the guardian???

I'm not 100% sure on this but I have seen the same guy on Guardian soulmates who was also on Times Encounters and the Telegraph single site- helping a friend look! Not sure if they share profiles or if this guy was covering all bases.

My brother was on Match- he's 47- but found many women ignored his profile "requirements"- he does not want anyone with children ( don't ask- we disagree on that one) and also women who live too far away- he did a LDR once via match and it didn't work out.

Having said that I have a friend who is now happy and settled with a guy she met on match.

One Lie In - 'meet some nice people, have some fun' doesn't neccessarily mean dating. As someone said he may find meeting people of both sexes by pursuing interests he already has a less pressured way to start re-socialising and meeting women.

As for the online sites, they do encourage people to make judgments and he needs to be ready for rejection for the flimsiest of reasons. But for every woman who won't date a man with kids there will be one (like me) who sees it as a positive thing. it's all about finding someone who wants what you have and has what you want.

The problem is right now he doesn't have many interests and we are trying to encourage him to take up more things where he can get out and meet people.

Any interests he did have drowned under the illness and bereavement and since then, the lone parenting. Geez, it's tough.

And choux we had a conversation about him being ready to date and he is in need of a shag ( so he told me)

Well if he needs to find some interests perhaps get him to look on meetup.com There are about 1000 groups in London covering everything from sports, photography, languages, pub crawls to yoga bods.

It's free to set up a profile on any dating site so get him browsing all of them and see which one appeals most.

Can totally imagine he has... an itch to scratch after all this time!!!

I second the idea that he gets a profile on a few sites paying and non paying and see how he goes.

Badoo, Zoosk and POF is free.

Try Match.com, Datingdirect, Guardian Soulmates, eHarmony for paying sites.

He can browse at leisure and if he likes anyone on any of those sites he could sign up for a month on the paying ones.

Not too much in the profile leave enough to ask questions. NO pictures of his child either ever.

He has to point out that the child does not need a mother, he is looking for a partner for him.

It's the emotional stuff that goes along with the shag that is difficult, especially for someone bereaved. The temptation is to throw yourself into something, to try and blot out what has happened - but that can end in tears.

However, that is a bit pessimistic - he could just as easily meet someone nice and be happy. I hope so.

I would say proceed with caution though as you are still very vulnerable at one year, but you don't really know it. This chap has loving relatives to look out for him and that is worth a lot.

In my experience there are nice people among the nasties on dating sites but you can also meet people in real life, so don't discount that.

flick agree, can totally see how all of the emotions will or could come tumbling out.

fabby agree. Thanks. I will definitely get him to have a look at meetup. If he can get a couple of things going where he spends time with new people, who don't come with all of the history of friends, I think that would be good. He's kind of got to find out who he is IYSWIM.

Fabbychic there are plenty of money grabbing men out there too. Am getting a bit fed up of gold digging only being seen as a female trait.