Sorry this is very long. Really want to give all the relevant info, my head is totally fucked right now and am up with the DC having had hardly any sleep and will have to deal with H in a couple of hours when he gets up.
H and I have been together 5 years, married for 2 and have 2 DC. Just so you have the full picture H had a 3 month affair when I was pregnant with DC1. I found out, I decided to give him another chance and we stayed together, got married and had DC2.
Last night we stayed in watching films and having some drinks. H had considerably more than me. I went to bed pretty late but as I had already agreed H could have a lie in in the morning he decided to stay up for a bit longer. Fine I thought, went to bed.
I could hear a voice coming from downstairs and was a bit suspicious as it was so late and I wondered who H could be on the phone to. Went downstairs and listened at the door (I know I sound very suspicious, I wouldn't usually act this way even after what happened in the past but I just had a feeling). H was having a very flirty conversation in which I heard him refer to himself as her 'bit on the side' and then said "In my wildest erotic fantasies". I then opened the door and asked who the fuck was on the phone. He said it was a girl he met on a work trip about 4 months ago, all that happened was a snog and flirting on a drunken night out. They haven't really spoken (except some facebook messages) since, and it was my H who randomly rang her. (H hung up when I came in room, she rang straight back and hung up when I answered. I rang back and ended up asking for her side of it, her story matched H's re:one snog, some flirting, no contact and then H's phone call)
Everything is fucked, we argued for hours. H was quite drunk. He was apologetic at first but started saying that the things wrong with the relationship were basically my fault. He was getting quite nasty about it. He did seem quite drunk so I am expecting him to be taking all that stuff back when he wakes up today.
I don't know what to do or think. I could probably forgive a drunken snog as long as we could re evaluate his drinking (not a day to day problem but he does occasionally go way overboard and does really stupid things) but why keep her around and call her 4 months later and have that conversation?? Can we get past this or would I be a mug to give him ANOTHER chance.
My life would be so fucked if we split up which is clouding my judgement, I don't work and am a full time student. In the city I live in my children and I will not be able to afford somewhere nice to live (we rent) or anywhere near DC1's school and my uni is a commute to a different city, I don't think I will realistically be able to do this any more as would be unlikely be able to afford to run my car (only recently passed test so insurance is massive).
Please someone help!!