My bloody mother!

[sandyballs]

She's just hung up on me!! At work!! She rang me to tell me how ill she is feeling because she has a cold and I was very sympathetic and we chatted about it. Then she told me that my SIL had phoned her on Saturday night and what a pain she was, how she couldn't get rid of her and how emotional she was. I said to mum "well she has just lost her father, she's bound to be emotional", mum replies with "well I didn't ring everyone in tears when I lost my husband" to which I replied "well everyone deals with these things differently" so mum replies with "I don't think you are very sympathetic to me" and hangs up!! What do you do with a mother like that!
In the past I would always call back, usually quite quickly to smooth things over but I think she is seriously weird and quite hard sometimes!
No wonder she hasn't got any friends!

Sorry - rant over. She has really peed me off though. Not a word about "how are your children", "did you have a good weekend", it's all me me me.

bloody hell - that's harsh!

Maybe you should give your SIL a ring yourself though? Can't see how your mum would've comforted her much.

Just remember that however difficult and wierd our mums may be 1. we are highly likely to turn into them, and 2. we'll miss them when they're gone.

Sandyballs - That could've been my mother you were describing!

Could she be menapausal?? My Mum is and is completely obsessed with herself and all the things that SHEEEEE has had to deal with in her life.

When my DH told her I had PND and asked her to speak to me to try to help she came around and told me to "Get a grip of yourself!! You have one child and a DH who helps. I had 4 and a DH that never changed a nappy.... how can you possibly be depressed".

Even now if we argue she ALWAYS brings it up. She'll just throw it in as she storms out of my house. Things like "At least I can cope with my children".

Its very hurtful, self obsessed and immature. She won't take her HRT though coz she says its making her fat!

I eventually told her exactly what I thought of her, didn't phone her for a couple of weeks... then she phoned me and a apologised.

My advice to you is to ignore her. I hate all that "My life is harder than everyone elses" crap!

She will phone you. But you MUST tell her how you feel or it will eat away at you and grow.

You're not alone though.

Thanks for your replies. Lucy 123 - I've just rung my SIL to see how she is, she didn't mention my mum. My brother walked out on her for another woman a couple of months ago, now her Dad has died, so she is really having a rough time of it, yet my mum behaves like that! Very odd.

M2T - she isn't menopausal, she is 77 next year!
She has always been like this but I do think it has got worse with age! It is so frustrating isn't it! They sound very similar. I'm afraid
of ever mentioning that I've had a hard day with my daughters because she will just immediately turn the conversation back to herself and say what a good job she did bringing up me and my brother plus her mother and in-laws living with her!

I won't ring her because she will be all cold and frosty with me, so there's no point. I'll just leave it.

Norma - I do hope I don't turn out like her! I'm far more easy going and tolerant at the moment! At least I think I am!! But I do love her and I would miss her in some ways!

I think people do become more introspective, and self obsessed as they become older. I'm not being ageist but my parents in law are like that, and my lovely mum has changed a bit after she retired and has become focussed on trivia and inward looking on herself. Don't know what does it - maybe they have too much thiking time and not enough to do!

Message withdrawn

My sister and I are always having conversations like that

• Our MUm told her that she was conceited when sister was saying how plesed she was that she had got so much prep done for her new teaching job...tsk,

My mum is like this, too. Last time I phoned her she told me about a conversation she'd had with her friend, which was actually a not-so-subtle hint to me about Xmas. The friend asked mum what she was doing for Xmas. When mum said she hadn't any plans at the moment her friend supposedly said "Well, get on the phone to Sue at once and tell her you'll be staying with them for Xmas." Mum then made tutting noises to me about how awful her friend is for suggesting such a thing and she would never invite herself like that and she'd wait until she's asked and so on....aaarrrggghhh!

Sounds like my IL's everything is a competition. DH told his dad this weekend that ds1 was ill and his dad managed to turn that into a competition- "oh now you know what your mother and I did for you and why we're so tired" (they're 55 by the way). When they come to stay they go and lie down every afternoon for a nap- usually around tea time whilst I'm running round like a maniac. Helping seems out of the question. FIL sits around waiting for his tea to be put on the table. If dh moans about long hours keeping him away from his family the his father's is worse. If we try to talk about something to do with ds1's autism then we get "we know what its like all children are like that we had that with you" etc (except they didn't as dh isn't remotely autistic).

If someone else is getting a lot of attention (even if that someone else is a grandchild) then MIL gets ill. (an illness of sudden onset which involves lying down or saying "i feel sick" when I dish up a lasagne I have made whilst looking after tw children whilst she was lying down). Her worst ever one was when I came out of hositpal having had ds2 by c-section, ds1 was traumatised and went very autistic- and we'd just been told he was autistic, ds2 wasn't putting any weight on (didn;t know it but he had an infection). MIL meanwhile who was meant to be there to help, had to do the dying swan act and go and lie down for a headache.

My mother meanwhile is a star. She took ds2 all day on Sunday becasue ds1 was ill/. She popped in yesterday evening after work (she works full time MIL doesn't work at all) even though she was going out, and helped out with the 2 sick children. She even took a bag of ironing and a bag of washing with her. She's the only person who i really trust with ds1. She is a superstar. Make IL's look even more pathetic.

IL's haven't rung back to see how ds1 is btw- they don't even know that ds2is now ill as well.