Divorce / separation - advice re husband would be much appreciated

[MardyPants]

If anyone has any knowledge about any of these, advice much appreciated!

1. STBXH has moved in with the woman he was having affair with. As he's living there, I asked him to leave his keys, which he did. He rang me at work yesterday demanding he be able to come my work and get the house key to get the rest of his stuff. Not happy for him and possibly her to be in the house when I'm not there, but what rights if any do I have to refuse to let him go in when I'm not there?

1. He has arranged to have his post redelivered. What will happen to the mortgage correspondence, and statements from our joint account? (both come addressed to both of us). Will they come to my address, as on envelope, or to his redirected address?

ask the bank(s) to send you both separate letters. they will do this. so they will send out two of everything - one to each joint account person to each address. that way you can both keep track.

just call bank and say you separated and need two addresses on the account.

My EXH left his keys voluntarily, in the same circumstances, and I changed the locks immediately, as he had threatened us.

I gave him times when he could reasonably come and collect his clothes and personal possessions. I had it packed up and on the doorstep. As soon as I saw him pull up in his car I had it on the path and I calmly closed the door.

Everything else was joint property and I certainly wasn't going to let him just help himself. That was agreed as part of the divorce (by which time he didn't want it anyway).

It's your home now and you're entitled to some privacy. Therefore you say that he can come to collect his stuff while you are there. I'd box it up and leave it in one place so that collection will be swift and less painful.

Get all official letters sent to both addresses.

If he is co-owner or joint tenant, you cannot deny him access, or change the locks, or demand all the keys back.

Sorry. :(

What you can do legally and what you can do pratically are two different things

Just tell him to get fucked 'No' & that he can collect his stuff at a mutually agreed time.

It will take the fucker him a lot longer to get any legal assistance to get in the house and he wont bother his arse to do so if you give him a time he can collect his stuff.

I'd call him and tell him to collect it all tomorrow - then you'll have it all out for New Year. New Year, New Start & all that.

He won't need any legal assistance to get back in the house. All he needs is a local catburglar locksmith.

But agree that negotiation re times of collection etc is the better way to go.

Agree with Line and Chipping.

I did the same as Line and it worked. I felt the same as Chipping but held onto my dignity - exh soon got the message.

All the time you have a joint account of any sort you will continue to get bank statements, both of you, just let the appropriate people know as soon as possible.

And - get to a solicitor for proper advice.

Wishing you well OP.

I agree about getting copies of everything sent to both parties.

My EXH genuinely did make a threat to me as he walked out of the house. I suppose that made it 'easier' for me to get the locks changed and put a bolt on from the inside, and by god I would have called the police like a shot if he'd tried to get back in that house, with me and two young DSCs there.

He may not have meant what he said, but he said it. Vile.

And actually I did need to call the police, some years later .... and then again ...

Anyway, the one thing I regret was not realising just how fast he'd deprive me of our money. Preserve what you can from joint money and assets, for your DCs - although a bird in the hand in sometimes worth two in the bush with regard to child support.

Stay calm and don't say things you don't mean.

He'll be full of regrets one day, but you can move on.

And also wishing you well. All of us on this thread.

Mardy - how have you been over the weekend?

Be careful/mindful that some of your post might accidentally be forwarded to him with his own post (and he might open it). Get any sensitive letters posted to a different address or tell him "not to worry" about getting his redirected, you'll just keep it for him/send it on. Any mail with 'both' your names on the envelope has to be delivered to the house, in reality though human error sometimes happens.