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Original poster

I feel alone

15 replies

AmyLouise1 · 30/12/2011 23:45

I feel quite alone my other half spends most of his time either playing games and talking to people on Xbox or talking on car forums. We lived together and have for the past 2 years we sit and wath tv together sometimes but it's not just me and him every time I look over at gim he is on the internet and I understand it's a hobby but I am fed up of feeling like second or third best in everybodies lives. (this feeling stems from my previous relationship and my parents) I take my partner out for dinner and I feel awkward with him, he sits on his phone posting on car forums, people in the restaurant are staring at me and I feel uncomfortable and don't know where to look, I feel like I don't want to go out with him. I feel like I have I watch what he wants on tv otherwise he won't sit with me. I know we spend all day together but I would give that up for 5 minutes just him and me. So I can feel like he wants to be there, where I feel I can talk to him and where I can just get a hug from him. I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore I never know what to say around him, I am subconsciously looking for things on tv he likes, films that he might want to watch. What makes all this worse for me is that he doesn't see it, I have told him how he makes me feel and he just says I am being childish and stupid I dont know what to do anymore. Tonight he said if we're not watching that film I will go on the Xbox, so i feel that if I don't buy films and watch what he wants he will just go talk on car forums look at whatever on the Internet or go on the Xbox. We go to car shows together as cars are my hobby to and still there he is looking for people he knows or on the Internet.

I am just being stupid and childish?

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyLouise1 · 30/12/2011 23:49

I forgot to say that he is going through a hard time ATM, he was made redundant 3 months ago and still hasnt found work, our new house we have just started renting has a serious black mould problem and are stuck here for 6 months unless environmental health can help. I don't know of these issues have anything to do with his behaviour or me maybe over reacting

OP posts:
ShirleyKnotChristmas · 30/12/2011 23:51

Oh this sounds shit.

What is he adding to your life?

Original poster
AmyLouise1 · 30/12/2011 23:56

Shirleyknotchristmas: It never used to be like this, we don't have any spare money as he is out of work and I have the stress of paying everything as we are not entitled to anything as I am classes as a high earner even though i only earn £17500 a year.

I love him we have been through a lot, he has given me my life back. The life I was living before him was the life my parents and ex wanted me to live. I am finally making decisions in my life for me. He used to be a kind and caring person but he is very difficult to live with, he was diagnosed with mild bipola a few years back before I met him. So he isn't the easiest person to figure out or live with,

OP posts:
ShirleyKnotChristmas · 31/12/2011 00:07

I don't want to be rude or cruel...

but your answer was all "he was" and "before him"

You haven't answered my question, what is he adding to your life?

It's short you know? This time we have...it feels like we've got ages but that ain't the truth. It goes like that...so how is he making your life good right now?

southeastastra · 31/12/2011 00:10

being out of work is shit though, maybe he needs to fill his time so much with gaming because he has to do something to stop worrying about the day to day stuff?

ShirleyKnotChristmas · 31/12/2011 00:12

Agreed southeastastra except for the "I have told him how he makes me feel and he just says I am being childish and stupid"

Lovely

Original poster
AmyLouise1 · 31/12/2011 00:17

Shirleyknotchristmas: he adds happiness to my life, I get butterflies still when I see him, we are going through a tough financial strain ATM but when I look into his eyes I know we will be ok. He gives me hope. I just have no idea what to do about the person he is ATM

OP posts:
pickgo · 31/12/2011 00:26

The dinner thing is just downright rude imo and if it were me I'd walk out!

If you think your underlying relationship is ok and still feel lots for him perhaps you should consider getting a few all-consuming interests of your own for the evenings. I'm not advocating you scale up drifting apart, just get occupied and then make proper time to spend properly together. I think all marriages need space apart and for both partners to have their own interests and friends.

Perhaps he is taking you for granted a bit and you need to remind him that you too have a life apart from him and he needs to make some effort when he is lucky enough to be with you.

fuzzynavel · 31/12/2011 00:36

Oh dear OP, not good huh.

If he's xboxing then he isn't looking for a job is he.

There is having patience with a partner and there is telling him to get a grip.

Stop enabling his bad behaviour.

Turn the damn xbox off and talk to him.

fuzzynavel · 31/12/2011 00:37

why do you spend all day together? How old are you?

fuzzynavel · 31/12/2011 00:38

Oh dear OP, get a grip. When do you "look into his eyes and he make it better" you have stated over the last couple of years things havent been right.

ShirleyKnotChristmas · 31/12/2011 00:41

OK OP. So he makes you happy and gives you hope - have you tried talking to him about all the other stuff? Apart from when you tried and he called you childish and stupid?

I'm not being funny but if I tried to tell someone who was in love with me that I was unhappy due to his excessive playing of games, and that I felt we had to do everything HE wanted to do or there'd be an atmosphere and that he was spending ALL of his spare time fucking about on the PC and he called me "CHILDISH AND STUPID" then I'd be having some thoughts other than "butterflies in my tummy" To be honest.

I'd be thinking "selfish cunt"...

but that's just me.

fuzzynavel · 31/12/2011 00:47

Ditto ShirleyKnott

Original poster
AmyLouise1 · 31/12/2011 00:49

Fuzzynavel I am 22 I work from home and ATM he is unemployed. I have had the last 2 weeks off for Christmas so we have been together 24/7. The relationship hasn't always been bad which I have previously said its just the past few months, more so since he has been out of work

Pickgo I think your right, it's just with money being really tight I don't have the spare income to do much.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 31/12/2011 01:29

Amy, you are a baby in my eyes, you dont need to put up with this silly rubbish. Tell him to go xbox off.

Don't take him for dinner, he should be taking you.

Don't set that pattern for you.

Go home to your parents or go rent a flat with other girls.

Leave him to grow up!

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