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Relationships

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Original poster

DP wont give me a 2nd child

15 replies

Mylilangel · 13/01/2006 08:18

Hi, i hav dd,17 months & would love another baby. There are down sides, my relationship has been under strain recently, although we r working through this and are really good at the moment.

Id love a lil sister or brother for my dd and i think the age gap now would be nice. I am so broody to which doesnt help!!

Dp doesnt want another AT ALL, he says he coudnt cope with our dd and struggled, but still, i see it as surely he should learn from it?? Admitedly he doesnt do much for dd, he trys his best and loves her with all his heart, but says he couldnt manage another

Has anyone else had this??? I really would love another, even if it meant waiting a year or so

OP posts:

BudaBabe · 13/01/2006 08:36

My DH is the same - DS is now 4 but I am still hopeful!

As your DD is only 17 months you have time - I would just not mention it (hard I know!!!) for a few months. If your DP feels he struggled that will all be too fresh for him - and he is probably feeling a bit of a failure that he DID struggle esp as he loves here so much. FWIW my DH didn't really "get" our DS in the baby stage but one DS turned 2 it really changed.

Then in about 4 months (when your DD will still be under 2) you could just gently ask if he has thought any more about another.

Hope this helps!

batters · 13/01/2006 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tracyk · 13/01/2006 08:50

What age are you Mylilangel?

Original poster

Mylilangel · 13/01/2006 08:53

Awww thankyou ladies!! Goodluck with you dp budababe!

It makes me laugh how we go through carrying the baby for NINE months with sleepless ngiht from kicking, morning sickness etc then have to go through labour pains and discomfort and being so tired after, then looking after a newborn which is hard work and tiring, BUT DP@S SAY NO lol

I think your right, i shall wait and mention it again when shes a little older!!!

Wish me luck!! x

OP posts:

Original poster

Mylilangel · 13/01/2006 08:54

Im nearly 22, so only young! Id just like to have 2 children close together so evenuslly i can get back to work btu still enjoy my children.

OP posts:

Helenemjay · 13/01/2006 09:46

Hiya Mylilangel! my dp was exactly the same as this, and we too were having a few relationship problems, my ds was about 15 months and i was so broody it was unreal!! we discussed having another baby ALOT and most of the time it was me expressing my burning desire for another baby and him saying not a chance in hell!! after a few months of arguments we eventually sat and discussed things properly and we decided to try for a baby at the end of 2002 so ds would be 3 when he/she was born, as it happened things worked alot quicker than that and we got pregnant the first month of not being careful! and so ds2 was born when ds1 was 2.5!! that did it for dp things swung the other way and he wanted another! and so now we have a dd too - she is now 17weeks and was born when ds2 was 2.5!! dp said he too had problems bonding and relating to ds1 but since having ds2 and dd he has resolved these feelings and he loves all 3 like crazy! the moment ds2 was born we felt much more like a family, its great and dp surprised me alot!! i wouldnt give up on your dp just yet! if you had told me 4 years ago that i would have 3 children i would have just laughed!!!

SoupDragon · 13/01/2006 09:50

"DP wont give me a 2nd child" I find this a worrying way of phrasing it. A child is not to be "given" you do both have to agree to having one. It's not given, you decide upon it together (in the ideal circumstances!!)

Original poster

Mylilangel · 13/01/2006 09:59

Well thats what i mean, just bad phrasing thats all....SORRY!!!

OP posts:

tracyk · 13/01/2006 10:11

Agree with others - sometimes dads just don't 'get' babies - they feel usless and awkward - but once they start becoming little people the dads are much more interested. Maybe you need to compromise and wait another year or so. I like a bigger age gap cos then the older one will be at pre school most of the day leaving you less frantic with a new born. 22 is so young nowadays anyway. Enjoy your dd for now and broach the subject once your dd has turned 2ish.

colditz · 13/01/2006 10:40

If he doesn't want another baby I think you have to accept that. He has just as much say in the matter as you do, and I would hate to have another child foisted, undiscussed, into my life

wannaBe1974 · 13/01/2006 11:54

I agree with Coldits and soupDragon, you both have to be in agreement on the issue, after all, if it was the other way round and your DP wanted another baby and you didn't would you think he was piling unfair pressure on you? That's likely how he feels as he currently doesn't want another one. Also, if you are currently having relationship problems a baby will potentially only make that worse. So often we hear about couples having another child to fix the problems in their relationships, and more often than not it has the opposite effect and the relationship breaks down as a result. You should try and resolve your relationship issues first, and maybe when your DD is a bit older you can talk about it again. Good luck

Original poster

Mylilangel · 13/01/2006 16:02

I understand we both have to be in agreement...which is why i have posted to see if anyone else feels ready for another baby but their partner doesnt. Im not piling pressure on to dp, its just an idea that has come up but dp wont give it a second thought.

Thansk for advise though ladies.

OP posts:

Prettyfull · 13/01/2006 16:36

Hello...

Awwww,..id love another too. Me and dp are thinking about a 2nd baby but i dont think hes ready I guess its moer like me whos thinking of another lol

I think just wait a little more until maybe your partner decides he is ready, thats what i am going to do!!! No menioning for a little bit lol and see how it goes!!

LucyJones · 13/01/2006 16:37

My dh was the same but eventually he came round to the idea when he saw how much I wanted another baby

LoveMyGirls · 14/01/2006 19:42

it took us a long time to get our 2nd dd who is now 15 weeks, i had asked dp lots of times and in the end after 2 years we went to counselling and i was in tears a lot because i really believed i would never have another baby but he eventually agreed and now we've got her he is so grateful but at the time it was hard and sometimes he wouldnt speak to me because of it. i was about your age then and i had a 5 year old i was 23 when we started trying and i got pregnant straight away. i was worried it wouldnt happen straight away, that id gone too long to go back to sleepless nights and the age gap would be too big but now theres 6 years between them and its a fantastic age gap my dd1 is so understanding and helpful and she adores her sister.
i hope you work it out give him some space and time. btw i read somewhere that pregnancy hormones wear off after about 2 years so thats why we get really broody around that time.

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