Hello all you lovelies, am back for more advice - if possible!
Last time I posted for advice and you were all great - I had a big chat with the boyfriend and a lot (seemingly) got sorted- HOWEVER - back I am again, and feel so head-messed up that I can't make a decision about things.
The boyfriend is 36 and out of work right now. Previously it caused some friction because he was staying in my flat when I was out working and sitting on facebook all day and not appearing to look for work. Meanwhile he wouldn't let me see his house as it needed decorated.
Well I eventually put the foot down and he let me into his house and as suspected it was a bit of a tip. So I went over on weekends and evenings and basically scrubbed it clean (we're talking cat hair and all sorts even though the casts been dead 3 years!) and helped him with the painting. He's still not finished it yet (nearly 3 months later) as he says his landlord wont lend him an 8ft ladder. So most of the socialising indoors we do at my flat as it's at least tidy and warm.
He's recently got back in touch with his 15 year old daughter and I honestly have been delighted for him - initially I had reservations (mainly for his daughter - he basically stopped making an effort at contacting her when she was only 8 claiming his ex was a nightmare - now I'm not interested in the blame, more that his wee girl must have wondered what she did wrong and that she was the one who suffered).
I tried to help him by making sure he could use my laptop to send her messages, helped him wrap her Christmas pressies and he's more or less been at my flat the whole time during winter as his is freezing and has no food in it etc. He's promised to look for work but I still haven't seen any evidence of this. Lately I've been stressed out - money/tax worries at Christmas, and doing really long hours then coming in and having to go shopping then cook dinner! He does try to help but is more or less useless. E.g. I'll put a load of washing on at 7am and leave the flat and when I get back at 7pm it's not been taken out the machine as he'll sleep in and then forget about it, even though it's half his stuff in there!
Anyway, last week he was getting to see his daughter for the first time in 7 years and I'd agreed to run him there when I got back from work. He had the whole day off to write out her cards and so on. When I got in from work he was asleep on the sofa having not written her card or even showered/shaved and he was due there in less than an hour. I'm afraid I lost the plot with him and told him he needed to man up and take some responsibility and it was his daughter I felt sorry for - ashamedly I even said something along the lines of, I guess you don't care as she's so used to being disappointed by you. :(
Anyway by the time he'd got himself organised I had to drive like a nutter though I still got him there 15 minutes late. I was so upset with him I told him he could make his own way home.
I didn't hear from him in days and over Christmas he's taken to sleeping on my sofa (he's now staying up til yon time when Im working watching reruns of top gear) - night before last I got up at 4.30am and put the telly and the lamps off, meanwhile he just lay there on the sofa snoring! - )so I eventually told him yesterday to get out my flat as it seemed clear he wasn't really wanting to spend time with me. He called me hitler and said I was being stupid and he'd go to bed when he liked. I was upset (again) and said my issue wasnt what time he came to bed but the fact he chose not to come to bed at all. I said he'd a perfectly good sofa in his own house and I needed my sleep as I'm working and he wasn't paying rent so wasnt a flatmate. (Go me, that was teh most assertive thing i've almost ever said to him!)
Since then, no contact.
I've been miserable/relieved/confused.
I don't want to believe he's just a lazy user, but that's what it seems like.
Or is it just me being a cow (again)?!
Help!!!
xxx