Seeing a solicitor - what do I need to ask?

[Itsallgonetitsup]

So I have decided to take the advice of others and see a solicitor with a view to leaving my marriage.

Brief back story - H was unfaithful several years ago on a huge scale. Have tried to rebuild relationship but its killing me slowly the pain and lack of respect and trust. Have reason to believe he is still upto his old tricks but no firm evidence.

I am a military wife living in married quarters with my H and have 2 DC. Married 9 years, together almost 18 years. Have been a SAHM or full time student but not worked since my eldest was born 12 years ago. We have joint savings which are in my name only for tax purposes. We do not own our own property.

My best friend has said she will arrange one of those free appointment sessions with a solicitor for me and come with me. She says I need to know whats what so I can make informed choices about leaving and know the pros and cons of doing so and what I can expect.

I know from a military point of view that once we officially seperate I have 90 days to get out of our married quarter and hand in my pass and find civvy Drs etc.

I have been living a lie in a bubble away from reality for a few years now. I think its the only way I have been able to carry on as the revelations about my Hs serial cheating and the shocking true extent of it has come to light. My head feels foggy through years of insomnia and just absolute devestation I suppose.

So, please can you help me establish what it is I need to get out of a meeting with a solicitor. What is it exactly I should be asking about? needing to safeguard etc? Any advice would be so greatly appraciated.

Hi I'm a family lawyer, and what I need to establish on the first visit is

1.Whether the client may be entitled to public funding (legal aid). You can check this yourself first by going on the Legal Services Commission website but as you're not working and don't own a property that will just depend on the level of your savings.

1. Finances: All assets inc. pensions, any liabilities, what your prospects and intentions are about getting work, what your h's income and income prospects are, etc etc, so if you could write all that down it would be helpful.

1. Children: what arrangements will be made for where the children will live. The solicitor will calculate the level of child maintenance and advise on whether you may get spousal mtce on top.

1. Divorce/separation: You can't divorce on adultery if you stay together as a couple for more than 6 months after you find out about the affair so you'll hve to go on unreasonable behaviour or two years separation. If you do the latter the solicitor will try to negotiate a separation deed until the two years is up.

Sorry this is a bit brief, will check back later and add if necessary and if none of the other MN lawyers pops in with further info

Hi sorry that you are having to go through this.

It sounds to me that Mumblechum has covered the main areas.

Thinking about what I used the first session for I'd say prep as much as you can and...

Try to get a feel for how you're going to come out financially both long term and when you leave in terms of immediate support for you and the DCs.

Try to get a feel for the divorce process and timing if this is important to you right now. I didn't think that I could divorce my STBXH for adultery by the way as more than six months had passed but it turned out that as we parted one month after the latest discovery this was ok.

I would also try to establish in the session whether you think you would work well with this particular solicitor.

Good luck

I have just popped back on for a quick peek as we are about to go away and stay with my family and friends for a few days over new year. Thank you so much for the replies. I am already clearer about what I need to take with me and ask.
I will try and get back on here in a few days to check the thread and reply properly.
Thank you.