I'm missing my son who is away

[rockofages]

Any tips on how to cope with a much-loved son in his early 20's being away abroad? He went at beginning of Oct and I coped well at 1st despite having periods of over a week with no contact and with him being injured in a motorbike accident. he's fine now but I'm struggling. I keep thinking of him, get a physical pain and tears come down my face. Just want to hug him! have txted and skyped the other day but miss his physical presence. Used to him being away at Uni for weeks at a time but knowing he'll be away for at least another 10 months is really hard.

Aww, poor you. My DSs are only small but I will be like you when they leave home. I think that if we do a good job as parents then our children will have the confidence to go off and see the world. It's the bad parents who have their children clinging round them. You have obviously done a good job rockofages and your son is an independent and clearly adored young man. Take pride in this. Also remember that you mustn't let your life revolve around him. it isn't healthy for either of you. Maybe you need to occupy yourself with lots of activities - some new ones for the new year? Also if you really can't stop being so anxious (are you by nature a very anxious person?) maybe you need to see your doctor. Good luck. I really feel for you as i know I will be exactly like you when my DSs leave home. x

Thanks for that kumquats, not normally anxious and that's good advice about doing other things for myself. Don't usually have as much time to think but as I'm off work for the hols I've missed him more. Also got worries about frail elderly parents so being a member of the sandwich generation can be difficult. Will try to engage with life more! I'm pleased for him that he is seeing the world, meeting people and hopefully growing up in the process.

That's just it, you need to be happy for him. My granny was my 'mum' if you know what I mean, we absolutely adored each other but she still encouraged me to move to England (I am from Ireland) as she knew I was unhappy and needed a fresh start in my life. I only went over a couple of times and whilst in England, she died. I still miss her every day and now that I have children of my own, I find it incredible that she loved me so much that she was able to put her love of me being around her to one side so that she could see me being happy. Sadly she died 10 days after I met my now husband and they never met but it was definitely the right thing for me to move here. Anyway, I am rambling on but my point is that if you really really love someone then you will set them free with joy in your heart. (Hard though it is).

I feel so much better, thank you. You sound a very warm person, your granny did a good job! Hopefully if I manage not to be too needy and clingy my lovely son will return home a better person than he already is and I, too, will be stronger. Thanks for listening!

It's a really difficult time, isn't it? I suffered when my daughter had a gap year - I really hated not knowing that she was safe all the time.

One thing you could do is to fill your life with activities so that when he returns, he's not the only person who's got something to talk about! If you need to get fit, aim to be running 10k's by the time he returns. If you want to write a novel, write it before he returns.

One thing I reassured myself with was that I would hear if something went wrong. If I didn't hear, it meant everything was okay.

I don't blame you rock, I totally understand why you cry when you miss him. It is horrible having your loved ones so far away.

My dd is 16 so hasn't moved away yet, however I can send myself in a spin at the thought of her going away to university. I know how difficult it was for my mother when my brother moved to America - the geographical distance makes it feel so much harder for her. If he moved to Derby I don't think it would feel as bad.

He is having a wonderful time, you have obviously raised him to be confident and mentally strong enough to go miles away and get on with his life - it is a huge testatment of your parenting that he is confident to do that. He will be home very soon.

It must also be very hard at this time of year, with all the sentimental family things, and all the memories of christmases when he was young. Don't feel bad for being upset, he will be home soon enough, and will eat you out of house of home.

I feel just the same. My son is 24 and in August he moved from the UK to live in Brunei with his girlfriend (who is from there). He was back home for two weeks for Christmas and left yesterday to return there. He will be living there for four years until they both move to live in the UK.
I have no idea when I will see him next. It could be a year or more. It was so lovely to see him over Christmas and it cut me up when he left - I cried loads yesterday. But I am happy that he is there. His girlfriend is truly lovely, they love each other very much and it would be cruel for them to be apart. She has to be there for another three years to finish her compulsory military service, so he wants to be there too. He has a great life over there and is very happy........but I do wish it wasn't quite so far away .
I've got no words of wisdom I'm afraid. I don't know if I am ever going to get used to it emotionally - although of course I am happy for him as he is so happy.
But one day he will be back, with his lovely girlfriend and one day wife with him.
And it sounds like your son will return too.
We just have to be happy for the independent, brave and happy young people that they are.
(hug) x

Aww selks. That is hard. I really feel for you, you must have felt so cut up.

Thank you Getorf. It hasn't been easy, but what he is doing is a wonderful thing and I am so happy for him.
We should feel proud of ourselves as parents that we brought up such confident and capable youngsters! (Not meaning to sound smug, but just wanting to pull a positive out of a negative).

It was hard for his Grandma. She is 85 and feels that she may not live long enough to see him return to the UK .

That really is sad re his grandma. Oh dear - I really hope that she sees him again, what a wonderful homecoming that would be if she is there to greet him.

Well, she's still pretty sprightly, so it's possible.
Thank you for your kind words. It's been good to share my feelings.
Sorry for the thread takeover, OP

GetOrf can you go and visit your son? My son did a year abroad from his uni course last year. He studied in two different places and I had a 10 day holiday in Spain and then in Portugal. It broke the time up and he was really delighted to show me around.

Good to hear words of encouragement and advice. Has anyone been to visit their son/daughter during a year away? would like to visit Aus in the summer holidays to see him but his plans are very fluid. need to book a flight soon to get the best price but don't want to cramp his style, neither do we want to have a flight booked for Melbourne only to find out he has moved elsewhere in Aus or even to NZ or anywhere else.