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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Singleton...

7 replies

surfersparadise · 28/12/2011 19:52

has anyone gone through the same or similar situation...my ex and I have been on and off nearly twenty years!!! and have never been able to live together although sexually very good and to this day still find him attractive. We spilt for good last Christmas. In that time he met some one but recently they split and he told me he still has feelings for me which has completley messed my head up. We have two young children and I miss being a family unit and feel lonely as the guys I seem to attract or I'm drawn too are inappropriate, one is into his drugs,the other had a girlfriend and the last allot younger than me and gone travelling.
I suppose I feel a little upset as it was my birthday recently and I thought If my ex really cared for me would of remembered my birthday (no card was given not even from the children) was told it was on order but it never arrived, Christmas I made cards with the children for him and his family and got the children to choose him a little present each to give him, but again nothing back. So this sort of proves nothing would really change if we did get back togetherr and the fact he then told me the girl he was seeing was coming over the Christmas period to spend time with him???
Why am I still drawn to him and why do I meet inappropriate guys? Any advise greatly appreciated.xxxx

OP posts:
Winkly · 28/12/2011 20:37

Your ex is a wanker.

You need some time to be properly single and get to know and like yourself as a single person. Then you will be able to spot the tossers and insist you are treated right.

You also need to do this for your children so they don't grow up copying your bad relationship habits. Far better for everyone that you learn to be single happy and confident.

MigratingCoconutsInTheNewYear · 28/12/2011 20:42

winky is right!

Be on your own for a bit and find out who you really are.

Avoid this plonker.

surfersparadise · 28/12/2011 21:35

thank you...your right. Just hate that feeling of being lonely.xxx.

OP posts:
Winkly · 28/12/2011 22:04

You can be much lonelier in the wrong relationship than in none. Good luck.

Bluebelle38 · 29/12/2011 13:24

I think you are just lonely and that is understandable.

maybe it is time to take off the rose-tinted glasses.

Sounds like he is using you as his back-up and that is really cruel. As already said, he is a plonker.

Take some time out from dating and work on yourself so you aren't drawn to unsuitable men to fill the void.

You'll be OK once you see your ex for what he is - a user.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/12/2011 13:36

For your childrens' sake, OP, develop a proper EX relationship with your ex. Sorry to sound blunt but it's not about you, you have children and this too-ing and fro-ing is not good for them. Let them have a father-child relationship with hm that isn't complicated with your ex-relationship with him.

You're not in a place to find someone else because you're still hoping that he wants you. It's obvious he doesn't, he's enjoying having you on a string though. I completely agree with Winkly; the wrong relationship can be lonelier than being on your own. You deserve better. Here's hoping that 2012 brings you someone worthy of your affection.

surfersparadise · 29/12/2011 18:29

LyingwitchInTheWardrobe...the children were not born when all the too-ing and fro-ing has gone on. They have a good relationship with their father and it has to be said that is one thing that we did get right. You all give really good advice at the end of the day ( you right Bluebell38 ) I need to work on myself first. Thanks guys, hope you all have a great New Years.xx.

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