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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hubby driving me mad!

5 replies

Dotty342kids · 27/12/2011 20:18

So, here's the thing. My DH and I have been married for ten years, two DC's aged 8 and 6....
He's always been a little on the laid back side, shall we say! He's quite good at weekends with the kids and will happily come into town to do errands, go to library, help take kids to various clubs etc. BUT - and this is where the rant is going to start, when we're at home he's either sat in front of the telly, playing games on his phone or playing games on his Ipad. He's really reliant on electronic gadgetry of any variety and often uses the "let's watch a film with the kids" excuse to allow him to watch yet more telly (and then he just falls asleep after 20 minutes anyway)!
I've always wanted the kids to have some chill out time, whether that's by watching telly or playing on their DS's / using the laptop etc but try to restrict that to no more than 1-2hrs per day.
It seems that unless we're out and about it's a constant battle between him wanting to stare at a screen of some sort and me wanting him to do something (anything!) that does not involve having his backside plonked in a chair.
My son is not great at occupying himself and I think this is, in part, due to him never seeing his dad, whilst at home, occupying himself with anything other than a screen of some sort! But whenever I try to talk to DH about this he says I'm overreacting and that it's ok just to "chill out"! My arguement is that there are plenty of other ways for kids to relax eg. reading, colouring, jigsaws, playing games etc.
After four days of being in the house together over Christmas I can feel my levels of irritation on the rise over this issue, yet again!

So, really, is this normal for blokes and am I being unreasonable or is there a way I can talk to him about this in a way that doesn't make me sound like some kind of harridan?!

OP posts:
Katisha · 27/12/2011 20:31

I think you are stuck with it to be honest. He is not suddenly going to acquire some get up and go.
DOes he ever play football with DS in the garden or in teh park?

GypsyMoth · 27/12/2011 20:34

Switch the tv off and do something with the kids yourself, see what happens

Dotty342kids · 27/12/2011 20:58

He would occasionally play footie, yes. But the issue isn't with "outside" things, it's when we're at home.
Turn the telly off when he's put it on?! Ooooh no, a) he'd go nuts and b) that's treating him a bit like a small child which I can't really see helping the situation.
sigh, open to further suggestions!

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 28/12/2011 10:01

Tell him that research shows that children of that age who have so much screen time (TV, computer, games) do less well academically, especially if they never see their parents reading and don't read every day themselves. Switch the TV off and if he keeps putting it on cut the plug off. Sounds like you have three kids....

Dotty342kids · 28/12/2011 19:25

I have to admit, it can feel that way. Hardly ideal. Today we went for lovely long walk in the forest / picnic. We got back, kids wrote a thank you letter each and then were on their DS's, followed by tea, followed by watching a film, with DH again. It's always the same.
Are other people's DH's like this? Or is mine unusual? CAn't work out if my reaction is normal or not....

OP posts:
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