Stuck in a rut

[chinup2011]

I've told all this to two freinds and my Mum, who are of the opinion that I should divorce as quick as possiblle. I would really value anyones advise as my head is spinning. It all started about 4 years ago with my H saying that he would like to help on a school trip abroad( he is a teacher) I encouraged him. Just before he went, I discovered that he had infact booked this up as a holiday for himself, nothing to do with work! I also discovered at the same time that he had joined a dating agency! I was shocked to the point of being sick!
Up until this point there seemed nothing wrong with our relationship from his point of view ,I was always on eggshells. I am a very non asertive person, an easy walk over, so was always doing lots of things for him. I did ALL of the child care, he maintained the structure of the house, e.g decorating and went to work. I work for myself and do all the housey stuff too.
To cut a long story short, these holidays ( now admitted they were vacations for him) became a regularity, every school holiday he is off for the whole duration . Kids don't see him they are teenagers.They are outwardly not bothered as he has never actively been there for them, never played with Ds in the park for example.
Btw he has missed 2 Christmas' too!
He bought a house for himself from our savings and some inheritance from his Mum. Last Sept ( after the whole summer hols away) I plucked up courage to tell him to go and live in it. As he was just staying there at weekends and coming home in the evening ( after the dc's had gone to bed. The holidays he has been having are to the Ukraine and I am pretty sure he is trying to meet someone else out there.
I have so many emotions over this, I actually can't stand the guy now, but manage to stay civil and feel sorry for him that he doesn't want to spend time with his children ( who are amazing young people)
In my marriage vows I promised to stick by him in sickness and in health etc. is he sick? do I carry on like thiis? I have put up with this for so long it has become a rut.

He made some vows to you durung the marriage ceremony and probably along the lines of "forsaking all others". Doesn't sound like he is living true to this commitment and therefore you have nothing to reproach yourself for at all. I think you should listen to your family and friends and get out of the marriage. However, I think you also need to attend to the assertiveness issue as you will need to sort this out before moving on with your life. All the best! He sounds like a complete selfish bastard.

I agree with your family, leave him. Do you need time to figure out your financial stuff?

Thank you for your replies, I need to hear others take on this rather than people who onlly see my side of it. He has been living in his own house since Sept. I have been supporting myself and the kids with my own income. This is very hard but we manage.
The way I understand it is all our assets would be halved, when I do a rough calc. Including his pension and I would hope that I would end up with the house.

You're married in name only and I agree with your other advisers that you should now seek to end your marriage.

Seek the advice of solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law to secure your finances as a matter of urgency, and set the tosser free to be exploited by the 'russian bride' scam.

Not often that I'd advise this. End the marriage - change the locks and see a solicitor pronto.

Sorry this may be a daft question, but I guess you have to give a reason for divorce, would this be given as unreasonable behaviour? I read somewhere that for infidelity you had to provide names. Apart from admitting the dating agencies he flatly denies the 'Russian brde scam holidays' as being anything other than a holiday. He thinks I am made of wool! Also is it possible to do this without the help of a solicitor? I am worried about affording one.

If your children are still dependents then you will need a solicitor. Maybe put this in legal to get advice about legal aid and the mechanics of divorce.

Also are you still having sex? I'd be worried about STIs if I were you. Have you had a gyn check up recently?

You will need a solicitor - divorce is a legal issue and with complex assets and dependent children the cost of a solicitor is a necessity for your divorce. Accept this right now. It will be money well spent to protect your children and you.

His behaviour would definitely count as unreasonable for your divorce.