Christmas relevations

[AnotherReasonToNameChange]

Namechanged regular. [fbear] and all that.

I posted a while ago (under a different name change) for advice on the possibility that my (late) father might have sexually abused myself and my siblings.

Last night, my mum dropped a bombshell. My father was a gay male escort. How do I process that? It was well after we were born, and we didn't know him all that well, DV and drug abuse situation meant that we were raised by our mum when little and foster carers later ( please don't out me if you figure out who I am).

Should I just forget this?

What would be the point of dwelling on it?

Whatever he may have been in life your father is deceased and anyone, you included, is free to say whatever you like about him without him having the ability to correct the record or justify himself.

Have you seen your social services file?

No, I thought about applying for them but didn't get around to it.

It sounds silly but I'm intrigued, not at all upset, but would like to know more.

Are you in contact with your paternal relatives, and/or do you know of any long-standing friends your father may have had who may be willing to help you 'paint a picture' of him?

Your social services files may contain more revelations but, providing you understand that the contents will not necessarily accord with what may have been your father's or even your own account of events, I would suggest that you apply to see the ss version of your childhood.

Those are two really good suggestions, thanks. I have his sister on FB, so might ask her... not sure how to phrase that though. SS files I have been meaning to access for some time, so will seriously consider this too, but I know they are very subjective - most SWs we had as kids were less than good at their jobs, sadly.

With regard to your father's sister, you may be best advised to arrange a face to face meeting with her as people tend to be more forthcoming about potentially sensitive matters in person.

Your paternal aunt may have access to family photos of your father and may be able to put you in contact with people who knew him 'back in the day' and they, in turn, may lead you to those he mixed with immediately prior to his death.

As you are obviously aware of the failings of 'the system' I have no hesitation in suggesting that you ask to see your file(s). However, the names and addresses of third parties who were familiar with both of your parents will most probably be redacted and it could be that reviewing the documents won't add much to what you already know.